Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I will never forget...October 6th.

I will never forget...
the sounds of my own sobs echoing through the church.
I will never forget...
the feeling of Daddy's arm against my cheek as tears overtook me.
I will never forget...
the way your pacifier, the aqua green one, felt clenched between my fingers during the service.
I will never forget...
the notes of hymnals sung at the alter.
I will never forget...
averted glances as we made our way back down the aisle.
I will never forget...
how easily the man lifted your tiny casket in his arms and placed it on the back seat of a town car for transport to the cemetery because your small body didn't warrant a hearse.
I will never forget...
the way that ray of light hit your casket during the service at the grave.
I will never forget...
how deeply I felt I had failed you.
I will never forget...

Today marks one year since Peyton's service. Below is the Eulogy that my sister, her Aunt Kate, so beautifully delivered.

Eulogy for Peyton Elizabeth Binder
Monday, October 6, 2008
Saint Patrick's Church, Collinsville

Today we are here to say our farewells to my niece, Peyton Elizabeth. A child of God, whose life here with us was a brief moment when compared to each of ours.

It is so hard at this moment to think of the right words. I could talk about how unjust this is, that this innocent baby should be born with such a terrible disease. I could talk about how unfair it is that Krissy and Dru, two parents with so much love in their hearts should have to endure such a crushing grief and immeasurable pain. I could speak of Peyton's grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who all loved her so much and are completely heartbroken. But what I really want to do is tell you about a special little girl, who I had the honor to know, and who was very, very loved....Peyton Elizabeth.

We knew before Peyton's birth that she was going to be one special child, just by looking at her parents. But when my sister showed off the ultrasound pictures taken of Peyton in-utero, these pictures revealed such a laid back personality. I mean, Peyton looked in these pictures like she was on vacation, lounging around in a hammock with her legs crossed, sipping a margarita maybe. And when she was born, it soon became apparent that this was in fact Peyton's true personality. She was the most easy-going baby, who rarely fussed, even when things got tough. She enjoyed being held and taking in all that was around her with her bright, beautiful eyes.

Peyton had such a smart look about her. People, including myself, would say that her eyes and hair looked like Krissy's and her cheeks were all Dru. But the fact of the matter is that she was uniquely Peyton, inside and out. Even though she was only a little over 6 pounds, Peyton had the heart of a 200 pound prize fighter. It has even been said that she had a mean left hook and that Krissy and Dru would watch her practice her boxing stances, using her baby mittens as boxing gloves, getting ready for the next big fight. The truth of it is that Peyton, and her devoted, loving parents Krissy and Dru taught us all how to be brave and stay strong, no matter how good or bad the odds are.

Peyton, along with Krissy and Dru also taught us what it means to love and be loved. Peyton never knew a day without love. Krissy and Dru prayed over her, held her, stroked her head and cheek and gently kissed her forehead each day, virtually living at the hospital. Despite the odds, through their love for Peyton, they never abandoned hope. Kristin and Dru showered her with as much love and affection as two people could humanly give a child. As I said earlier, Peyton was an easy-going baby who liked to be held, but there was a certain look in her eyes that she gave only to her mommy and daddy. She basked in the love they gave to her, and returned that love to them in her eyes. Peyton was surrounded by love from her birth until her death. She was surrounded by love in the operating room when she entered this world. She was surrounded by love when she went to heaven in my sister's arms, with her daddy stroking her head.

And that love extended far beyond the confines of the hospital. Peyton touched the hearts of all who knew her and all who knew of her. In only four weeks, she left a legacy that will live on forever in the hearts of many. She showed us what is really important in life. She taught us to be brave when things get tough, she taught us what it means to love and be loved, and she taught us to forget about the petty things, because life is fragile. People: friends, family and strangers alike all came together to pray for Peyton, and to support Peyton, Krissy and Dru. Family and friends became closer and people who had become estranged from one another broke down the barriers to speak to each other again for the first time. Peyton is, and will always be an important part of our family, and her legacy will go on.

Now I will read you a poem which my sister gave to me this morning. It is a poem from Krissy and Dru to their beloved baby Peyton:

To our sweet infant daughter
who now dwells in our heart
we are aching just to hold you
now that we are apart.

To our sweet baby Peyton
with those eyes of dark blue
for your mommy and daddy
you were a dream come true.

We so loved to hold you
and staring into your eyes
the way you loved us back so strongly
was our life's greatest surprise.

Taken from us so quickly
this we cannot understand
we miss each toe on your footsie
and long to hold your little hand.

Peyton our angel we miss you
we pray you're peaceful at rest
Remember daddy's soft words and cuddle
and how mommy sang and held you at breast.

Even though just a baby
your fight for life would inspire
when we felt so helpless and hopeless
you forged ahead never tired.

This sense of loss unrelenting
long to see your eyes sparkle, that cute face
Remembering how you looked at us knowing
Then left this world in our embrace.

We love you so much sweet angel
you were a life made of our love
We'll always miss you darling Peyton
Please wait for us to meet you up above.

~Kristin Binder


  1. I am so sorry. All these things we will never forget. Your sister delivered a beautiful, yet heartbreaking message at Peyton's funeral. She made Peyton's life shine through all her words. The poem at the end is just beautiful. Love and prayers.


  2. ((HUGS)) It sounds like her service was very beautiful. The eulogy from your sister was written with so much love for your daughter. You wrote a wonderful poem to your little Peyton. I am so sorry for your loss and the journey you must walk. I pray for your comfort.

  3. Oh what a beautiful eulogy. I'm glad you got to know your girl so much in those four short weeks. Still though, it is never enough time. Not by a long shot.
    I remember Hope's funeral with the same detail you remember Peyton's. I have never really written it down like this, but I almost don't think I have to. That day is burnt in to my brain.

  4. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your beautiful Peyton. Thirty five years ago today, my 1st daughter died of prematurity. I am so sorry for your loss - I know the pain is unimaginable.You are in my prayers and I hope the Lord gives you a special comfort tonight.
    Blessings, Sarita

  5. the eulogy and poem for Peyton were both beautiful. You can feel the love that surrounded Peyton when you read these. I could not get through them without tears rolling down my face.

  6. Thinking of you and your husband. What a moving and love-filled eulogy for your Peyton from her auntie. She was loved, and is loved, so much. There's a school Mass for the children tomorrow and we always light a candle at church for George. I'll light one with a special prayer for Peyton, too. xo

  7. We will not forget and will remember with you... Hugs to your family. Many hugs...

  8. This just grips my heart and brings me to tears. Everything written in this post is beautiful. The poems and the eulogy. Peyton is such a precious little girl and so, so loved!!

    You will never forget the dates of when things happened. It'll always be it's been this long since this....

  9. A beautiful eulogy for Peyton. The words resonate with love. xo

  10. Sending thoughts and prayers for peace. The eulogy was absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

  11. What beautiful words and thoughts. Peyton was a special child indeed. Thinking of you today and every day.

  12. What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute your sister gave your sweet Peyton. It's such a tragedy that we bury our children, something that should never have to happen in this lifetime of medical knowledge. I'm so, so sorry you've lost your beautiful girl. Thinking of you both with sadness and love.

  13. "practice her boxing stances, using her baby mittens as boxing gloves, getting ready for the next big fight" The memory of Lukas doing the same thing sent me to tears, not that I wasn't already.

    The eulogy was very beautiful.

    Hugs to you on this day.

  14. Don't forget, and I will remember with you.
    was a very touching eulogy.

    Thinking of you always.

  15. Wow - what a powerful eulogy. To know someone so completely with a look into their eyes is a special gift.

  16. ((HUG)) There are no words...only tears and a vast feeling of being inspired by your little daughter.

  17. So beautiful. So, so beautiful. And heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.

  18. So beautiful. This post brought tears to my eyes. Peyton is an amazing baby girl, and is SO lucky to have you as her mother.