Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Mel's 68th Show & Tell - Field Trip

Today for Mel's 68th show and tell I will be taking you on a little field trip of sorts. We won't be traveling to see an art museum or a zoo, and I'm sorry there are not going to be any souvenirs to commemorate your trip. I know that you may question why I would bring you here, and many wouldn't understand why I visit so much myself, but despite all this, what I hope that you gain from this visit is some of the beauty of this place; despite all of its pain.

I have been making daily pilgrimages to this spot for the past eleven months, compelled by a need to sit in silent meditation and feel a closeness to my child. Today I invite you to come along with me, to visit my sweet Peyton's hill; a peaceful green corner this side of Heaven.



When I imagined motherhood, I never envisioned this, but in the months since Peyton's passing, the serene atmosphere of her spot has brought me great comfort and reflection. I have also done a lot of writing up here, inspired by this place to write entries and poems like this one and this one.



I do what I can to make it nice for her, especially now as we are still awaiting the completion of her stone. On very special days Peyton receives little gifts and decorations from our friends and family when they come for a visit. This adorable little guy was a gift to Peyton, brought back by her Grandma and Pop Pop all the way from Holland.



In the early days after Peyton died, a little old man came over to me to offer his sympathies. He introduced himself as G, and told me that he had been coming to visit his wife Helen's grave each day since her passing a few years earlier. In these last ten months we have become friends, a kind of lonely hearts club -G missing his dear wife, me missing my sweet daughter.



When I first met G, I was struck by a spot that had been worn down to the dirt in the grass near his wife's grave. It broke my heart to know that he was so sad, and missed his Helen so terribly that he couldn't bear to be away from her and in visiting her so frequently had worn the grass by her stone clear away.

Today, in looking through these pictures, I realized that Peyton's grave now bears this same worn away mark. To be honest, the discovery of this patch of dirt has left me with mixed emotions.



To see what the rest of the class is sharing, click here.

18 comments:

  1. I cried when I read your blog. What a beautiful angel you have watching over you. Peyton is beautiful I can not even imagine what you are going through. I hope your faith has strengthen and you find comfort in knowing that your baby girl is with her Heavenly Father. God Bless.

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  2. It looks like a lovely spot! And all of her little gifts make it that much more special.

    Thanks for taking us with you!

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  3. Praying for the peace of God in all of this. xx

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  4. What a beautiful spot. The worn spot seems to me to be the most moving reminder of your love.

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  5. Seeing that spot in the grass made me cry. I'm so sorry that your precious baby girl is not in your arms. Her little place on that hill is beautiful. I love all the little decorations you have out there. It looks so sweet!!
    xo
    Ashley

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  6. Peyton's hill is beautiful. Her new little present from Holland is sweet.
    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Guerwyn's wife. The patch of dirt, that breaks my heart. For you and for Guerwyn. xo

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  7. Peyton's hill is beautiful, yet it brings tears to my eyes. I'm sorry =(

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  8. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

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  9. Peyton's hill is gorgeous. I adore Guerwyn - there's nothing better than an old soul to soothe an aching one.

    xx
    MB

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  10. The spot is a symbol of your love for Peyton. Hugs.

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  11. It breaks my heart that this hill marks the sadness of the loss of your baby girl. Peyton is beautiful. I am mesmerized by how strong her gaze was (as can be seen from the header photo)....Much love and many hugs to you and Guerwyn

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  12. Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. My your heart and mind find peace. {{{Hugs}}}

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  13. Of course there is a worn spot....just like the one in your heart. Dear mama...I am so sorry. She was so lovely.

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  14. A beautiful place. I am sad for both you and Guerwyn that you have to even visit such a place so often. I visit Carleigh's grave at least once a week. If it was closer I would visit more.

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  15. beautiful...thank you for sharing

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  16. While it is a gorgeous place, I wish that you didn't have to wear away that spot. or that anyone has to go through what you have.

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  17. Bare has never felt so bare to me before.

    A most touching photo and essay.

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