I wanted to post something fun here. Really, I did. The tone of this blog, and my life, has been sort of on the down side lately, although to be honest, when blogging about babyloss is there truly an up? Anyway, I wanted to post something fun. Then I got another BFN this morning, I really felt like this morning was a possible shot. Today is 38 days. A long time to wait for a BFP by most calculations, but that is how long it took with Peyton, so I held out hope. But this morning, among the rain and wind and utter crappiness of the day, that elusive second line continued to, well, elude me. Oh well.
I could write about how this makes me feel, but you all know. So instead for Show and Tell, I will share some pictures that I had put in a post in October, but never published. It's a happy one, I promise. You will be glad you stuck with it and read on.
Last October, just days after Peyton passed away, my friend, Nicole, ran the Hartford Marathon in her honor, to raise funds for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. What makes this even more impressive is the fact that Nicole is not a marathon runner, just a friend with a huge heart who wanted to do something to help.
Everyone, including her coach, told her it was time to throw in the towel, but Nicole remained steadfast and determined. I asked her once how she made it through, and she simply explained that since Peyton never gave up, she felt she couldn't either.
At one of the final mile markers, Nicole passed the sign that the Leukemia/Lymphoma society had hung in Peyton's honor, and grabbing hold of it, she headed for the finish line.
The day Nicole ran this race, we could not attend. Peyton had just died the week prior, and I was still in full "shut-in" mode. When I look at these pictures now, it breaks my heart that I wasn't there, but Nicole understood, and she told me that she knew we were supporting her from home, and we were.
After the race, Nicole came and presented us with the sign, which we keep in our living room, and with an honorary medal from the race, for Peyton, who, as Nicole put it, "was with me every step of the way."
Below is a picture of the display case in my living room, with all of the treasures from Nicole's marathon run in Peyton's honor. On my darkest days I like to look at it and remind myself that yes, we have been dealt a bum deal losing Peyton and suffering infertility, but we have also been truly blessed by the love of some amazing friends like Nicole, who went on this year again, undeterred by the pain of last year's race, and ran the marathon again to raise more funds for Leukemia research.
To see what others are showing and telling, visit here.