Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Messages & Signs Mel's 66th Show & Tell



Since Peyton's passing there have been a few little, we will call them "incidents", where I thought that she was sending me some sort of a sign; a gust of wind during a visit to her grave after posing a very important question; walking into my bedroom to find a flashlight flashing across her picture; a light in our dining room hutch (an area of the house that has been ignored) being switched on and illuminating her box of things from the hospital - her handprints, a lock of her hair, etc. I have never really believed in 'ghost stories' per say, but you pepper in a few of these incidences after losing someone so close, and you begin to wonder. I imagine that by the end of this post you might wonder too.

This past week has been hard for me (and, yes, I do know how much of a broken record that makes me sound like) but it has. I have felt panicked and anxious about all of the dates of importance that seem to be running together. This Sunday was the date that she was originally due to arrive, so it is a date that I will always associate with her. September 4th is her birthday (I went two weeks overdue in the end of the summer. This was a fact that I had planned on reminding her of many many times during her life.) And then, of course, there is October 2nd, the day that we conceded to the Cancer and said our goodbyes. I'm very bitter towards Cancer now, and especially the way that when you lose your child to it, every conceivable Cancer organization bombards your mailbox with solicitations. Don't get me wrong, of course I want there to be a cure for Peyton's Cancer, and I give to just about everyone that asks, but it's still hard to have it in your face when you are grieving. I can only liken it to having someone mail you the mug shot of your child's killer. So like I said, I am bitter towards Cancer, but in an effort to avoid going completely off topic, as I do from time to time, I will save my feelings on that for another post.

Now, back to my showing and telling. When I am really low, really really low, my friend Chrissi is the one that usually gets the call. I tend to isolate myself alot these days, not wanting to burden anyone with my grief, so to be pushed to the point of dialing means its a really shitty day. I couldn't call Chrissi last week, she was on vacation in Rhode Island, and I missed her. As soon as she returned, she called me to see how my week had gone, and to tell me that she "had to tell me the cutest story ever!"

What follows here is the story she shared with me, the arc to this post, and I promise, the area where I will do the actual showing.


Chrissi said that she had gone to the beach every day, always hanging out in the same area. She told me that they had chosen that particular area of the beach because there was never anyone walking through and disturbing them, and they were left pretty much to enjoy the beach on their own. On one of the last days of her vacation, they set up in their usual spot, and started to enjoy their day by the ocean. Laying on her back, looking up at the sky, she heard her friend Megan saying "Oh my God Chrissi look!" "What?" Chrissi asked, tilting her head back. She saw a little leather bracelet sitting perched atop the sand and sort of brushed it off with a "yeah, it's a bracelet, so what?" "Look at what it says Chrissi," Megan said pointing, and in realizing what the bracelet said, Chrissi burst into tears. This photo below is of the bracelet that Chrissi found perched right behind her.


And here is where Chrissi tried to recreate the photo that we took here.



So this brings me back to my belief that sometimes Peyton sends funny little signs and messages when she feels they are really needed. This one has me even more convinced (as crazy as that makes me sound) because I can honestly say that I have never in my life randomly come across anything that said Peyton on it. If her name was more common, maybe I would chock it up to coincidence, but it's not, so I will just go on believing that this was Peyton sending a message that she knew her Mommy & Daddy needed to get through the hurt that these dates of her birthday and angelversary bring... a message of peace.

To see what others are sharing today go here.


30 comments:

  1. Sometimes those signs are what help us the most to heal.

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  2. Oh this is a gorgeous story of how our children find us, and the people that matter regardless of their heavenly home.

    Thank you for sharing this, even through your dark week. I've just emerged from a less than light place as well. Early Sept is my time as well...

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  3. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl. what a lovely tribute your blog is to her. I think she is always with you, and you with her.

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  4. That's amazing. I think that if you look for signs, you will find them. But the ones you aren't expecting are the strongest indication that there is more out there than we know. I hope your Peyton enjoyed her visit to the beach.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. Beautiful story.

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  6. Oh what an awesome story/sign from your baby girl! I got chills reading it... :) Thank you for sharing. I have had many such experiences since we lost our baby girl Molly in April 2008 and definately believe that they are our daughters' ways of communicating with us from Heaven and letting us know that they are okay, that they love us and miss us too. Hang in there. These dates/times of year/anniversaries/milestones are so bittersweet. Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers.

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  7. That is an amazing story. I am so sorry for your loss and so happy to have seen this Show & Tell.

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  8. She sent it.. she sent it to you for you to know she is well. And she knows just how much you love her.

    How much you love each other...

    I'm praying for you..

    HuGZ

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  9. What a beautiful story. It gave me chills.

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  10. It's amazing how these things happen just when we need them.

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  11. I believe Peyton sent those signs. They're manifestations of your great love for each other.

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  12. Wow! That's really neat. I sometimes feel like little things that happen are a sign from my baby girl too. So if you're crazy then I'm crazy! I'm very sorry for your loss. Peyton is beautiful!! What a precious face!
    xo
    Ashley

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  13. Wow that is so neat that they found that bracelet with Peyton's name!!

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  14. It is when you feel alone that those moments pull you thru. That is such a blessing moment.

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  15. This is so moving. Feels like she is with you in spirit.

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  16. Wow...I got chills reading that. I wouldn't think those were coincidences either! So sorry for your loss...wishing you peace and (((HUGS))) on the tough days to come in the next few weeks!

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  17. I wanted to reply to your comment. Most parents aren't aware that they can take their babies to the funeral home themselves. At first I didn't know I could do that. It was the day we were ready to leave that we made the arrangements to do so. We ok'd it with the funeral home and the hospital wasn't going to let us until the funeral director told them it was ok. I was so glad we could do that.

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  18. Thank you for sharing. That can't just be coincidence.

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  19. Definitely a sign from your precious Peyton. She is with you every moment and embracing you with her love while you grieve.

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  20. I believe in these signs, there is nothing like the bond between a mother and child, and nothing can break it. These signs are evidence of that bond between you and your daughter. As I approach my EDD (9/6/09), I can imagine how you must be feeling. I am hoping for signs from my girls, I really need a piece of them right now.

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  21. I believe in signs. I hope you find comfort in these incidents. I think they're wonderful.

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  22. Beautiful story...I believe in signs as well.

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  23. Beautiful...now I can't stop crying, really beautiful..gives me hope for what? I have no idea really.

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  24. There are the signs...they are real. Others may roll their eyes and chalk them up to chance ...but, once you have seen enough "chances" you start to see that they are not chance...they are communications..and they are clear as day. Hugs to you...Wishing your little girl was in your arms right now.

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  25. I'm so happy to hear about magical instances like these. Makes the veil between us and those on the other side disintegrate more and more...

    We're all connected, and Peyton loves ya'. No one on the other side goes through that much trouble to send such a cool message ;).

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  26. I am so happy to have chanced upon this blog... we met briefly almost a year ago when Peyton was diagnosed with leukemia... My daughter Freja has the same dreadful disease but is doing well. I just wanted to let you know that you and Peyton are in our daily prayers... as are our other infant ALL friends... sending many many hugs at this time... angelversaries are very difficult.
    Jane and Freja

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  27. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, Peyton's Mom, and will be sending peaceful thoughts to you and yours this weekend.

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