This week, for show and tell, I am focusing on kindness.
Losing Peyton has been the most painful and difficult experience of my life. There are days that are searing and unrelenting in their hurt, and this week proved to be an exceptionally difficult one for me. I don't know why this week was so tough, but then again I have found that there is little rhyme or reason behind most of my bad days. That said, in the darkness that was this terrible week, I found sunshine in three beautiful acts of kindness; acts that touched my heart in their utter selflessness. This post, I am going to focus on the beauty of those acts, rather than the pain of this week.
The first was the act of having Peyton's name memorialized by To Write Their Names In The Sand, with this beautiful photo taken by Carly. Though it is rare for me to be at a loss for words, it seems impossible to sum up the feeling that entered my heart at the sight of this photo, and the knowledge that a stranger honored my child's life in such a beautiful way. Below is the photo of Peyton's name inscribed in the Australian sand, as well as the message that we left for her there. Carly, you are truly an angel on earth. Your ministry serves so many and your selflessness humbles me.
To our sweet little Peyton Elizabeth.
At less than six pounds, you fought with the heart and determination of a prize fighter. Do you know how very proud of you we are? We miss you all the time but know it is your embrace that we feel in the warmth of the sun, your voice that we hear whispering in the breeze, and your spirit floating by in the butterflies that cross our path. Not a day goes by that we aren't missing you Peyton.
We love you so much baby girl and know we will hold you again someday. Love, Mommy and Daddy
The second act that moved me this week, was that of a fellow babylost momma, Dina, who lost her beautiful daughter Dylan Rose to SIDS . Dina, who honors sweet Dylan, and raises SIDS awareness here, remembered my Peyton, by having her name registered for this year's Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember memorial. Dina's sweet baby was taken only a few months ago. I remember what those first months were like, how hard it was to think of anything or anyone else but the pain that I was in. I am amazed at Dina's heart, and thoughtfullness in remembering my child, when the loss of her own is so incredibly raw.
The third act was actually from my Dad, a hidden treasure of love and understanding left for me to find when I needed it most. As I said earlier, this week has been a hard one for me, and just when I felt at my lowest and alone, I stumbled upon this note from my father, a note that reminded me that even in the darkest depths of this grief, the hand of my family has always been within close reach. I am blessed by their love and support.
Dear Krissy,It's 3:30 in the morning and like you dear daughter the night is not always a friend....cluttered with restless thoughts that don't pass. Tonight I dwell of our visit to Peyton's grave yesterday and what might have been. I've this image of looking down on you as your lovingly plant a new bed of flowers for Peyton careful to arrange it perfectly wanting only the best for her. You and Dru are in my thoughts always and now I will go back to bed and pray for the happier days I know will come. You have no idea how much I love you and how proud and blessed I feel to be your father.Love with three hand squeezesDad
Lastly, I need to mention you, the readers of this blog, and what you have meant to me. I know that most of you are on your own journey through loss, and your ability to help a stranger when you have so much of your own pain is unbelievable. Your messages have meant more than you know. Grieving a child is a long and dark road, one which can feel incredibly isolating. There is no greater comfort than knowing that while this is not the path that I would have chosen, you have not left me to walk it alone.