Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mel's Show and Tell #64 Kindness

This week, for show and tell, I am focusing on kindness.

Losing Peyton has been the most painful and difficult experience of my life. There are days that are searing and unrelenting in their hurt, and this week proved to be an exceptionally difficult one for me. I don't know why this week was so tough, but then again I have found that there is little rhyme or reason behind most of my bad days. That said, in the darkness that was this terrible week, I found sunshine in three beautiful acts of kindness; acts that touched my heart in their utter selflessness. This post, I am going to focus on the beauty of those acts, rather than the pain of this week.

The first was the act of having Peyton's name memorialized by To Write Their Names In The Sand, with this beautiful photo taken by Carly. Though it is rare for me to be at a loss for words, it seems impossible to sum up the feeling that entered my heart at the sight of this photo, and the knowledge that a stranger honored my child's life in such a beautiful way. Below is the photo of Peyton's name inscribed in the Australian sand, as well as the message that we left for her there. Carly, you are truly an angel on earth. Your ministry serves so many and your selflessness humbles me.

To our sweet little Peyton Elizabeth.

At less than six pounds, you fought with the heart and determination of a prize fighter. Do you know how very proud of you we are? We miss you all the time but know it is your embrace that we feel in the warmth of the sun, your voice that we hear whispering in the breeze, and your spirit floating by in the butterflies that cross our path. Not a day goes by that we aren't missing you Peyton.

We love you so much baby girl and know we will hold you again someday. Love, Mommy and Daddy

The second act that moved me this week, was that of a fellow babylost momma, Dina, who lost her beautiful daughter Dylan Rose to SIDS . Dina, who honors sweet Dylan, and raises SIDS awareness here, remembered my Peyton, by having her name registered for this year's Compassionate Friends Walk to Remember memorial. Dina's sweet baby was taken only a few months ago. I remember what those first months were like, how hard it was to think of anything or anyone else but the pain that I was in. I am amazed at Dina's heart, and thoughtfullness in remembering my child, when the loss of her own is so incredibly raw.

The third act was actually from my Dad, a hidden treasure of love and understanding left for me to find when I needed it most. As I said earlier, this week has been a hard one for me, and just when I felt at my lowest and alone, I stumbled upon this note from my father, a note that reminded me that even in the darkest depths of this grief, the hand of my family has always been within close reach. I am blessed by their love and support.

Dear Krissy,
It's 3:30 in the morning and like you dear daughter the night is not always a friend....cluttered with restless thoughts that don't pass. Tonight I dwell of our visit to Peyton's grave yesterday and what might have been. I've this image of looking down on you as your lovingly plant a new bed of flowers for Peyton careful to arrange it perfectly wanting only the best for her. You and Dru are in my thoughts always and now I will go back to bed and pray for the happier days I know will come. You have no idea how much I love you and how proud and blessed I feel to be your father.
Love with three hand squeezes

Lastly, I need to mention you, the readers of this blog, and what you have meant to me. I know that most of you are on your own journey through loss, and your ability to help a stranger when you have so much of your own pain is unbelievable. Your messages have meant more than you know. Grieving a child is a long and dark road, one which can feel incredibly isolating. There is no greater comfort than knowing that while this is not the path that I would have chosen, you have not left me to walk it alone.


  1. That picture is gorgeous! What a lovely remembrance.

  2. Those truly are three beautiful moments. I've never suffered the kind of loss you experienced but I have been through it with a friend and she has told me how much it helps to have others remember the child you have lost. I hope the future brings happiness and that when the pain comes it is tempered by the joy of what you have then.

  3. Your daughter is beautiful, the photo is beautiful and I'm at a loss for more words.

  4. Those are beautiful momentos that in the darkest of times will lift you. I am so sorry my dear. I hope that you have "better" days coming. Know that your beautiful Peyton is with you at all times.

  5. How beautiful. I am truly sorry you had a bad week, but oh so grateful you were brought up off your knees. The note your dad wrote you, gave me chills. He's such a wonderful father.

  6. How beautiful of you, in an hour of darkness, to look up and see these amazing acts of kindness. And what true acts of kindness they are!

  7. The photo is beautiful. I'm sorry you've had a difficult week. I'll be praying for you. And I hope you know I DO pray often, even for people and friends here. I don't know what your going through personally.. but I hope you know you're never far from my thoughts and prayers

  8. Beautiful photo.

    It is a very isolating road and hopefully there is some comfort in knowing that your precious Peyton surrounds you every moment and embraces you when you can't embrace her.

  9. I just received a picture of Freja's name in the sand, from Carly, too. It is amazing what she is doing. It's such a gorgeous picture - I am going to find a beautiful collage frame and put pictures of her as well as the sand picture all together. I think it would make an amazing display... Like you, I am so thankful for all the friends I've made on here, and all of those who have showed unrelenting support.. Thank you for the beautiful comments you leave in my blog. It always brings a smile to my face when I read your kind and understanding words. Please know that I've been thinking about you and Peyton alot these days.

  10. I knew your dad was the coolest.

    I am so happy to know that, when I'm not around to remind you of something distubing or laugh at your jokes, you have so much love flowing into your world, anyway.

    :) I love your Kindness show-and-tell and stuff.

  11. Your dad's note really touched me. How blessed you are in so many ways.

    Abiding with you this week especially. Peyton is beautiful -- always.

  12. Wow, your blog really touches my heart. I read these pages and I can feel the heartache, but more importantly I can feel the love you have for your darling Peyton. She is a beautiful little girl and very lucky to have you as her mother for her short time here on Earth. I also love her name. My favorite TV character has the same name ;)