Friday, April 2, 2010

Retrieval Update, Peyton, and IBMD Announcement

Today marks exactly 1 year and 6 months since we said goodbye to our little Peyton. 1 year and 6 months and nothing has ever felt "right" again. They say time heals, but what healing can come to the heart of a mother when her child's death has torn it in a way that is so profound and everlasting?

I find myself wondering... What would she be doing as a nineteen month old? What color would her hair be? Would her personality be outgoing, or shy, or both? Would she look like me at all?

1 year and 6 months have passed without her, and I could write a million sonnets and poems and posts here about how that feels, how deeply the loss of this child has rocked me to the core, or how broken my heart is without her. I could write and write and write, but no words could ever do these feelings justice. Just know little girl that we miss you. A year and a half ago. Today. Always.


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Thank you all for your prayers, support, and words of encouragement. Yesterday went pretty well. The procedure was expected to take fifteen to twenty minutes, but they actually had me in a little over an hour. As explained earlier, I had A LOT of follicles, so they had to take their time going through them all and retrieving what they considered to be the best ones.

I learned something new about myself yesterday. As one nurse put it, I am "a hoot" under anesthesia. I have no recollection, but apparently I came out talking about chicken parmigiana, and calling the anesthesiologist and other staff by some pet names. Thank god I am not privy to any classified information, they probably could have gotten anything out of me in that state!

From the time that I came out of the procedure, until now, I have physically felt pretty okay. I am crampy, and a little sore, but all in all, not as bad as I expected. Emotionally is another story. I don't know if it was the HCG shot or what, but I have been feeling really down, which doesn't make sense because we came out of it with some pretty great news - they were able to retrieve fifteen eggs (our understanding is that more than 10 eggs is considered a good cycle.)

We decided to expose them all for fertilization because we were told that on average, half the eggs retrieved will fertilize, and half those fertilized will do so "well." Today, between 1 and 3, we will get the call to let us know how many eggs have become embryos, and how they are doing.

Tonight we start the progesterone shots in my back. I have been a pretty good sport up until now about the injections, but this one has me really scared... any hints out there?

*A LITTLE SIDE NOTE* International Babylost Mothers Day is just around the corner (May 2nd.) Are there any other mommas in the CT/Northeast USA area who are interested in meeting up to spend the day together? If you would like to join us, please shoot me an email at doinggoodinhername(at)gmail(dot)com

20 comments:

  1. I am so happy to hear your good news. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you today! I don't know if the prog shots are the same as the ones I get, but I go in weekly to have a medical professional do them. She does it high up on the hip and I hear this is the least painful place to get it. It is a little painful, but you will manage...think about the great prize at the end! xx

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  2. 15 eggs is a beautiful number...I hope great news keeps coming in...all the best for everything to come.

    These milestones aren't any good, are they?

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  3. SO excited for your little embryo today... Ok here is what I do for the Prog... shot.. 1st go buy some Tramel gel (sooths swelling and kind of numbs the skin a little) after you put the gel on.. ICE your back for 20 min in the spot you are about to shoot... Once it is good an numb.. lay on your bed.. feet on the floor tummy down. your hubs can get a better angle on it and you are supported. Ok.. once the shot is over.. Get a HOT pack and rub that area with a hot pack so the Prog.. that is oil spreads out. If you keep your back frozen the oil kind of balls up and is more painful. GOOD LUCK.... I'm so happy for you.. Rest well today - Don't to anything.... Looking forward to news of Embryo!!!

    Brandy

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  4. I am so happy to hear the great news. Still praying for your little miracle(s). I want nothing but the best for you. I hope you feel in better spirits soon. Peyton is so proud of you and I just know she is doing everything in her powers to send you her little brother or sister. Hang in there and keep thinking positive thoughts.
    Thinking and praying for you.

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  5. Fifteen eggs is a wonderful outcome. I think hormones suck. Hang in there!

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  6. I am so happy to hear everything went well yesterday. I was thinking about you & praying for you last night. I hope you & hubby get the miracle you both deserve. Of course a new baby will never replace Peyton - but I believe it will help mend your broken heart. I will continue to pray.....

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  7. when I had my wisdom teeth out many years ago, I woke up to a mouth full of blood and a recovery room full of nurses in fits of laughter at me. Apparently just as I went under, I started screaming at the top of my lungs, "take me higher, take me higher". They could hear me three operating theaters down the corridor. Nice one.

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  8. Oh, I've been on pins and needles (and will definitely be between 1 and 3!) hoping it all went well. I remember coming out of anesthesia last year thinking, "Dear God, what did I say??" because they all were sort of laughing and looking at me like, "Good thing we have that doctor/patient confidentiality thing going on or else you could be in BIG trouble!" I'd like to think I was simply repeating over and over how marvelous they were, but...my guess is I was playing my favorite part: The most High-Maintenance Patient EVER.

    I had 13 eggs retrieved last year, 12 mature, and 6 fertilized. Of that 6, one was Matthew and one was the little frozen embryo we just transferred but was negative. Sadly the rest didn't make it any further, but I think that our cycle was perfect and it sounds like yours is too! It really is all about the quality. So excited to hear how they grow!
    The PIO shots for me were way worse in my mind than in actuality. I had to give them to myself because John was gone, but I definitely did the alcohol swabs with the analgesic (didn't know about that gel, but I bet it's awesome!) and I think that made a difference. I hate the cold, so I couldn't do the icicing, but I just made sure I pulled the skin around my shot site as taut as I could and just sort of let the needle sink into it. It wasn't that bad (for me) and the heat pack helped relieve the soreness the next day. Aside from a bruised and somewhat sore bottom, I didn't think they were too much worse than the other injectibles.
    Congrats on a successful retrieval! Hope you are well and praying for them to grow strong and healthy!!

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  9. I am so happy for you. I'm praying for a high turn out on the fertilization. *hugs*

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  10. Thinking of Peyton with you.

    As for the shots, ice before hand, hot packs after. Good luck!

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  11. I'm right there in the shock and disbelief with you. Eternally broken hearted.
    Missing Peyton with you.
    xo

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  12. checking in from Bali to say I'm hoping, wishing and praying for you. I'm going to make a special visit to a Balinese temple and make an offering for you today. Lots of love xxxx

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  13. So glad the retreval went well! Praying for the "right" amount of good embryos. And LOVE the picture of you and Peyton. Feel free to post more, I love seeing her!

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  14. Thinking of you and hoping that all goes well! Can't wait to get an update!

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  15. yay..so excited for some good news :) praying for good news again and again for you!

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  16. Just wanting you to know that I am here and reading along and hoping and wishing for you-can't wait to see your BFP announcement-praying, praying, wishing, hoping..

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  17. wonderful news. The shots are not painful ...nothing compares with the pain of losing a baby. Relax. Thinking about Peyton. She would have been a beautiful little girl. XOXO

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  18. I left a little gift for you on my blog. www.missingjuanito.blogspot.com

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  19. Wow I am so happy for you to have all those eggs, I am praying for some great little embroys. I used to ice for about 15 min before the shots, never even felt them, then I put a warm cloth over the area. Make sure your hubby hit were the rivets on your jeans would be and you will be ok! Happy shooting :-) Kysmom

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