#ParentingFail

My morning went something like this...

The boy peed on the bed.

The dog peed on the floor.

The girl ate a diaper.

I called Poison Control.

Wait, what!?

So here is an interesting little factoid to tuck into your back pocket. The most common call that Poison Control receives from parents of infants is in regards to diaper eating, or more specifically, diaper stuffing eating. Not wanting to feel left out - Squeaks ate a diaper. 

Well not a whole diaper, of course, though she may have if given the chance, just a bite.

Sweet Potatoes? - No!
Carrots? - No!
Silica gel infused cotton blend? - Yes Please!

This is all pretty ironic because as you may recall (note the pic in the upper right) we use cloth diapers. Well 99% of the time at least. There is that 1% where we use disposables on day trips, or if the babies need rash cream and we don't want to ruin the inserts, and it is because of that 1% that today's events were made possible.

Great...

So back to the diaper eating...

Bubba and Squeaks have been doing this thing where they roll when being changed. They are strong, and squirmy, and I feel like I have been through the toughest Zumba class of my life each time I have to change a diaper, which with two, is roughly 15,000 times a day. I asked around for advice on this one and someone told me to: "put something in their hands, even just another diaper will work, and they will be so distracted that they will stay still."

Sounded simple enough.

So this morning, when Squeaks started rolling and rolling and sweat was breaking on my brow, I remembered the sage advice offered above, and seeing a disposable diaper on the changing table, I reached for it and handed it to her (why I didn't grab another cloth diaper, we will never know) so that I could proceed to wipe her bottom. That's all I did. Wipe her off and close her up. It took ten seconds, tops, and when I smiled at her and said, "all done!" she smiled back - with a mouth full of cotton!

Oh holy crap!

Kicking into high baby first aid gear I sat her up, swept her mouth with my finger, rushed her to the sink, did a few splashes of water, finger swept again, and called Poison Control. The woman on the other end of the line gave me that fact about this happening all the time, and assured me that there was nothing to worry about. While the silica in the diapers (as well as that in those little DO NOT EAT packets for what it's worth) can be a choking hazard, it is not actually toxic. 

Phew!

I hung up the phone and Squeaks smiled at me, or maybe she rolled her eyes, because she had that look a teenager gets when she thinks her mom worries about the silliest things, and then proceeded to throw up (probably more from being jostled around so shortly after a feeding than anything) all over me. To be honest, even though the diaper chunks down the front of my shirt just added insult to injury, I was actually pretty happy that she had thrown up, so as to allow any left over bits of cotton and silica to come out. 

So there you have it. The events of my morning, because all of this happened before 9AM, which makes me wonder what the hell the rest of the week has in store for us. The good news to report is that here we are, several hours later, and Squeaks is playing and smiling and doing just fine.

Just another day in the life...