Monday, April 5, 2010

A bumpy ride but...They're In!

Sorry for the bit of a delay, this last few days has not gone quite as smoothly as I was hoping, and I haven't had the energy to write.

We got the fertilization report on Friday afternoon. 15 eggs were retrieved, 10 fertilized and of that 10, 6 were considered good quality (3/4 on the grading scale) by Sunday's transfer. 2 were set aside for implantation, 4 frozen, and 3 more are going to be allowed to go to day 5 to see if they reach a freeze-able state. Of the 10 fertilized, only 1 didn't make it.

I have been suffering from a great deal of cramping since Thursday's retrieval. My ovaries have grown very, very large (because of the hyperstimulation) to the point where I can feel them if I put my hand on my stomach. The discomfort before the transfer was sort of like a strong tugging type cramping, what came after was so much more than that.

I went in yesterday for the transfer with a full bladder as instructed. I was given the option of taking a Valium, and decided against it (though I later regretted it) and was changed into a gown and seated in a waiting area where we got to see a cute little picture of the two nine-cell embryos to be transferred. Hubs and I have dubbed them Emma and Emelio the Embryos. We said our goodbyes at the door, and I was taken into the operating/procedure room for the transfer.

They put me on an inclined table (butt above head) and inserted a catheter through which the little embryos were delivered to my uterus. This part wasn't really bad at all, except for the very full bladder which the nurse described as "huge" as she pushed on it with the ultrasound wand.

After the transfer, I had to remain on the inclined table for a half hour. About 5 minutes into it, what I thought was just my really full bladder started bothering me. I tried to meditate, and do breathing exercises, but it wasn't working. By 15 minutes I was in agony, and at 25 minutes they took me off the table. I asked if it was going to be a problem, letting me off 5 minutes early, and the nurse assured me that it wouldn't. I sort of hobbled over to the bathroom, hoping that by emptying my bladder I would feel relief, but even after going, I was in agony. It was like stabbing pains from my hips to my neck, and it seemed to be getting worse and worse by the moment.

The nurses assured me that this level of cramping was normal for someone with such hyperstimulated ovaries, and released me. They advised me to take Extra Strength Tylenol for the pain. Hubs got me in the car, drove to the nearest gas station, and bought me some rapid release Extra Strength Tylenol, which I couldn't get into my body fast enough, but relief just wasn't there.

Honestly, what I felt in that next hour was worse than the height of my labor pains with Peyton, and those were pretty awful (I had been induced with Pitocin and labored for 11 hours) but they at least came and went with contractions. This pain was non stop. Every bump in the road was like a knife going into me. One second into my abdomen, the next into my ovaries, the next into my chest. It was unbearable. I considered having Hubs turn the car around to take me back to the hospital, but the prospect of spending anymore time on the bumpy roads than I already had, was more than I could handle.

It felt as if all the laying inclined back the way I had after the transfer had pushed all the fluid of my whole body into my stomach and chest, and my ovaries were just throbbing. I really cannot emphasize how much pain I was feeling. Breathing made my shoulders hurt. I just had pain everywhere.

I usually have a fairly high tolerance for pain. Even after having just had a c-section with Peyton, I was able to work through the pain the next day to stand at her bedside for hours. Yesterday's pain was too much. It was unbearable and left me too exhausted to even cry. It was like I wanted to cry, I could feel that heat in my eyes, but all of my energy was being used to just keep breathing.

When he got me home, and on the couch, Hubs called the hospital from where we had just come, and spoke with the doctor on call. He explained that I was in a great deal of pain, and asked what I could do for it. She told him more Tylenol. He asked if a heating pad would be okay, and she said she didn't think it would help, but might "comfort" me, so it was okay to do. I hugged the pad, and for the most part placed it up high on my stomach near my ribs, because that was where I had the most pain, just praying that it would help the pain to subside a bit.

20 minutes of heat, and four extra strength Tylenol later, I could breathe again. Of course then I made the mistake of reading about heat and pregnancy (all bad of course) and I spent the next hour worrying that maybe I had screwed something up for the baby(ies) by using the heating pad. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do I am doomed to somehow screw up any baby I carry... is that a loss thing?

The rest of the night went okay, except for my Progesterone shot, which really hurt like hell. I don't know if it was because of all that happened to my body that day, but it was the most painful of the Progesterone shots so far (this is day 3).

For the remainder of the night I took the Tylenol religiously, and even slept through the night (though I did have this really trippy dream about being a doctor and telling a patient that their child was going to turn into a carrot... don't ask. Must be the hormones.) Today I woke up feeling crampy again, but not as bad as yesterday. The doctor told me that the worst of my Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome symptoms should subside over the next week.

So hopefully little Emma and Emelio the Embryos will find my body a comfy place to be, and set up residence. It was really cool watching them go in. They were like two tiny white dots. I asked the RE why I could see them, when they are only the size of the head of a pin right now, and he told me that what I was seeing was the fluid they are in. I watched them sit against the side of my uterus, and said a little prayer to Peyton to please watch over these babies, and keep them healthy.

Before the transfer, all felt right in the world. It was as if the signs were coming in all around me. Yesterday at mass, the priest gave a homily about Easter being a time of "renewal and new life" and I thought, how fitting, that on a day that signifies new life, these two precious little embryos would be placed inside me. Then, before heading out for the transfer, I read an email from a beautiful friend who wrote:

We just watched "It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown" to get us in the Easter spirit -- goofy, I know-- and there was a line, "spring is a time of renewal" that made me think of you. :) I think it's really awesome how the IVF lines up with Easter, being a time of rebirth and all.... hope this is the beginning of an incredibly bright future! 

So here is to Easter, and Spring, and renewal and rebirth. Here is to Emma and Emelio, who I pray 11 days from now, will be two beautiful little lines on a pregnancy test. If at the end of this all, I have my healthy rainbow baby(ies) to take home, there is no amount of cramping and pain that wouldn't be worth it.

32 comments:

  1. Im so sorry to hear of your pain. The things we do for our children huh? I def think payton is watching over those two little embryos. I am sending you sticky vibes and hope you get some news in the 2ww. I know the 2ww feels like years but know it will come soon and Im hoping with great news!

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  2. First of all, feeling that you are doomed to somehow screw up any baby you carry is definitely a loss thing. It sucks.

    Second, it sounds like you had a really wicked case of OHSS. I hope you continue to feel better.

    Third (and most importantly), hooray for Emma and Emilio! I'm praying they're in it for the long haul.

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  3. I am sorry you were in so much pain. I was at the edge of hyperstimalation too and I had to take like protien shakes that muscle builders take to help. Tasted awful but worked. I pray that this pain you had to endure will all be worth it. I know that Peyton will be doing her best to tell the little embroys to work their magic. I know that it is hard not to stress out, but just relax, and a heating pad wont hurt, that doenst raise your body temp much and that is what you have to worry about (like a hot tub or a really hot bath) Thinking of miricles :-) Kysmom

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  4. I'm so sorry that the procedure was so painful. I'm wincing just reading about it. You poor thing.

    'Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do I am doomed to somehow screw up any baby I carry... is that a loss thing?' I don't know but I feel the same way. My only living child is only here because of medical technology and health professionals.

    To Emma & Emelio! Hang on in there little ones. You have such a fantastic mama and daddy waiting for you. xo

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  5. Oh, my GOSH. I am so proud of you! This is great news, and I like both names.

    I'm sorry about all the pain you've endured thus far, but you're like a little canoe sailing in from rough waters, now :). Good, good luck, have fun, put your feet up and take extra care of yourself!

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  6. I am smiling from ear to ear - not that you are in pain.. but that you have those two little babies safe inside you now - and 4 for sure frozen!! Great job.. Good luck and I'm with you every day of the 2WW. Head on over to my blog... when you feel stronger. Take care and rest well my friend.

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  7. So sorry that you have had so much pain. I am thinking about those embryos of yours and that they stick. Try to relax and take care of yourself. Thinking of you! xx

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  8. I am sorry it was such a rough time, praying for baby E's to hang on tight :)

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  9. Sending you so much love, you are doing great. I'm sorry about the pain, but I'm holding you close and hoping hoping hoping for little "Emma and Emilio". x

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  10. I love that you have named them Emma and Emilio the Embryos!

    "Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do I am doomed to somehow screw up any baby I carry... is that a loss thing?" Yes, it is Kristin. I can totally sympathize with you, especially after my Christmas miscarriage, and sitting perfectly still for 5 days, and still losing the baby, I have this overwhelming feeling that I will never be able to do absolutely EVERYTHING right to bring life into this world.

    But, I really think that Emma and Emilio are going to make themselves comfortable in there for the next 9 months - for a Christmas arrival!

    I'll be biting my nails for the next 11 days...

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  11. I also need to add, that the 'code word' I needed to type in for the previous comment was PRAM.

    Coincidence? SIGN!?!?!?

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  12. Sorry about the over-stimulation woes--but otherwise, sounds like things went well! Hoping for some stickiness from the E's...

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  13. I will have you in my prayers my friend. I pray for a sucessful outcome. I will becounting down the days until you test.

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  14. I am so sorry for all the pain you had. Glad that it is better now and that you could rest.
    Praying for perfection. God Bless.

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  15. So happy to hear you are feeling better and the little ones are tucked safely inside. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!! xx

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  16. Lighting a candle for your little ones....be sticky little rainbows! ((HUG)) I keep wishing I could put twins inside of me again...I am pulling for you!

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  17. I've been stalking to see how things went and am so sorry about the OHSS...I've been there, done that (ovaries the size of large grapefruits, hospitalization when husband was about to go to war--NOT fun!) and feel so deeply for you right now!!! I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself and just take things very easy in the next two weeks. So, so excited for you!
    I pray that the Es (SO sweet!) decide to take up residence and will be rooting them on every day!!!

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  18. Eh sorry about your pain but SO happy that the transfer is done and I soooo hope that you see a BFP after a while!! *hugs* I'm excited for you!

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  19. I'm so sorry about your pain! My miscarriage wreaked havoc on my body causing 5 surgeries and resulting in chronic pelvic pain (which is thankfully now fairly under control.) I used a heating pad through most of my pregnancy with my little rainbow baby, who is now a thriving 3 year-old. I pray for comfort & peace as you wait.

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  20. I am sorry you are hurting so bad! It sound absolutely horrible! But YEAH!!! They are in, and I am praying right now that they stick around for a good 9 months!! =0)

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  21. Hi, just want to say this is my first time to comment and wanted to say I will be thinking about you during this time. I know it has been a long hard road for you. And you and your husband deserve this babies more than anything.Just know you have many people praying and thinking of you to get the desire of your heart. (P.s. your Peyton is just adorable I just could not stop looking at her beautiful face.)

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  22. In a way I'm glad to read this - not to hear about the ordeal you've been through - but to learn more about what women like you have to go through. I hope it makes me more aware and helps me understand all you have to face and struggle with. You inspire me.
    xo

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  23. Praying for this to all work out <3 Sorry about the pain :(

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  24. sticky dust to you and the little ones, i hope that your ovaries are back to normal now xxx

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  25. Gosh, I'm so sorry you had such a painful experience. I too have a high pain tolerance, so when I find something unbearable it scares the heck out of me cause I know it must be really, really bad. Here's hoping that tomorrow is better than today and the day after better than tomorrow :)

    I'm also praying really hard that Emma and Emelio are burrowing in there and settling in for the long haul.

    Hugs to you!

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  26. Im so glad you got thru it! I am praying for a BFP! Im sorry you had so much pain...its horrible. I had alot of pain this last cycle with being over stimmed, but not like you did...you might expect to feel like that for a while, lots of pressure. Also, for shots, make sure you are taking all of the tension off of the leg of the butt cheek side you are injecting....I had 10 weeks of daily prog shots and I was bruised and battered and lumpy, but as long as I wasnt tensed, and changed sides every other day, I was able to walk! :) We now do P17 weekly shots until week 36. Hang in there and if you have any questions, ask away!
    Hugs, Nan xxxooo

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  27. On one of your posts you were wondering what would she look like if she would be here, I am sure she would be the biggest joy, happiest and prettiest little girl mommy ever had. But let me tell you smth else, God doesn't get without giving smth in return. She is in the most beautiful place, the most peaceful, where only love rules, and angels are singing lullabies for her. She would want you to understand that.
    There's no bigger pain than a mother's loosing her child. Have faith, God is watching over you at all times.
    I will pray for you, so that you can find that inner peace and so that you'll have your joy in your arms again.
    God bless you!!!

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  28. So sorry you had to endure that much pain. Emma and Emilio the embryos just makes me smile (love the names). I am so proud of you, not one days goes by that I do not pray and think of you.
    I cannot wait to hear the news, I could only imagine what you are going through. Hang in there, stay positive and I too also have a good feeling about this, ((HUGS)).

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  29. Hi Kristin, as you know I'm no veteran of this, but I watch the forums quite closely, and I'm surprised they sent you home. I don't mean to frighten you, but did you know that OHSS can be life threatening? I'm glad to hear that you got so many good embies though, it's very positive. Holding thumbs for Emily and Emilio Embryo, that they stick like glue :-) PS I think the fear of screwing things up is also an infertility issue, not just a loss issue - rings true for lots of us IF's too. At one stage I wouldn't even take a hot bath anymore, only allowing myself lukewarm showers!

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  30. Sending you sticky vibes! The pain sounds awful, I hope thats not something you have to go through again. xxx

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  31. Will be Praying, Praying, Praying everyday for the E's. Looking forward to hearing good news soon. Sorry to hear about the ordeal and hoping you are feeling better now.

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  32. Kristin, as I have said to you many times, you are MEANT to mother a living child, you have too much to offer to go through life without the joy of children to raise. I believe you will get your BFP and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that BOTH Emma and Emilio nestle in and give you a double blessing in nine months time. You are in my prayers beautiful lady and I know Peyton is watching over you and your embies and wishing for her mama's happiness. Hugs

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