Tuesday, February 23, 2010

On Being "Grateful"

I hate The Beatles.

I know, I know, how could anyone hate The Beatles, right? But I do. 

Now before you get ready to hurl rocks at me, maybe I should give you a little more insight as to where this anger toward The Fab Five stems from.

For the last two, possibly three years, my husband has had our morning alarm set to "The Beatles Greatest Hits," and I challenge anyone, even the most die hard fan, to wake up day in and day out to the sound of Paul McCartney's voice, and not develop a sour taste in your mouth at just the thought of him.

Well this morning, as the CD started spinning, I realized something was amiss. Instead of hearing "Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer came down on her head... do dee do dee do..." I heard what I thought was the start of the DMB song "Crash." Too tired to make sense of it, I rolled over, hit the snooze button, and went back to sleep.

Ten minutes later I was scrunched in a ball at the foot of the bed when the alarm came back on. Out of reach of the button, I buried my head below the pillow hoping for silence, and heard these words...

"You got your wall You got your train"
"Crash into me, baby, and I cut into you"
"In the void stream"
"Touch your leaves just so I know"
"I'm verve own and crazy"

Huh? What the?

"Hike up your skirt a little more, and shove your war to me."

Putting the pieces together, I opened my eyes, looked at the picture on my wall of hubs and I on our wedding day, and started to laugh.

So now that I am sure you are all thoroughly confused...the backstory.

Hubs and I spent our honeymoon in Mexico at a resort called Secrets in Playa del Carmen. On one of the nights, the hotel brought in a band, I think they were called "Two Guys Play Acoustic Music" to play covers of popular American songs beach side. 

There is something to be said about the affect that ambiance can have on an experience, because on that beach, with the wind blowing, the waves crashing, and my newly married finger bling blinging in the moon light, "Two Guys Play Acoustic Music" sounded great... well good... well...

When the concert was over, my husband rushed to the table where "Two Guys Play Acoustic Music" were selling CD's, and pulled out his wallet to purchase his own copy.

"These guys are GREAT!" He beamed, grinning ear to ear.

Remember what I told you about ambience?

When our plane arrived home from Mexico, hubs excitedly retrieved the CD from his suitcase, and popped it into the car's player to play on the drive home.

You know how you can go through life incorrectly singing the lyrics of songs, like "pour some sugar on me," becomes "pour some sugar ramen"? Well this CD was like 120 minutes of that. 

Disappointed for not having just discovered "the next big thing", hubs tossed "Two Guys Play Acoustic Music" into a drawer, never to be played again. That is, of course, until this morning. 

My therapist told me yesterday that she found me to be "more depressed than usual," words that, coming from her, are probably not a good sign since she gets paid to hear me cry, bitch, whine and complain on a regular basis. Hubs, I am assuming by this gesture, sensed that too.

Waking up this morning, I expected my outlook on life to be just more of the same.
 "Wah! My kid's dead. Wah! Im am infertile. Wah! Wah! Bah Humbug! Wah!"
This song reminding me of happier times, made me laugh at my husband's sense of humor, and sort of set a different, happier tone for the rest of the day.

Even when I had a bit of a mishap this morning, with my dog eating an entire box of Chocolate Chip Cookies, and me having to give her hydrogen peroxide to make her throw up, my good mood couldn't be broken.

The reminders of all I do have continued.

After fixing up the dog (yes she is okay) I logged in to read some lovely and supportive comments left for me here after my post yesterday, and went on to receive a beautiful gift in my inbox from my dear BLM friend Carly.

I am loved. Waking up to this song, today I was reminded of that.  

By my husband. By my family. By my friends both in real life and in the amazing community that I have met through this loss, I am loved. 

As I wrote yesterday, I will never be grateful for Peyton's loss. But starting my day this way, listening to a song strategically placed by my hubs to put a smile on my face, I was reminded that I still have a lot to be grateful for.

Please also hop over and give Sami's momma Lisette some love today as she mourns the passing of her sister in law unexpectedly of a brain aneurism.


  1. I was reminded that I still have a lot to be grateful for -- that line right there is a reminder that I do have a lot to be grateful for even if I dont have my Cadynce.

    Thank you fo saying that, I have to remember this.

  2. You have been very good at showing this Kriten. You show the good and the bad. I don't write about my feelings anymore because I don't want to feel it, you at least have that honesty.

  3. Well said. It's up to us find joy, it's always around us and available. That is a really cute story and I love that hubs did it for you!

  4. Yes...you are very loved. Even by this silly stranger in Montana.

    You must have a husband like my own....your story reflects the kind of thing my Ty would do. Has done. again and again. Little things to make me smile. To let me know I'm loved. It's like finding a strong tender hand reaching out for you in the fog.

    How wonderful to know you are loved.

    and...even more so....to be loved by the one who loves Peyton as much as you. ((HUG)) We are very blessed to have such dear husbands. Thanks for the reminder....

  5. Mine puts Elton John on REALLY loud and sings "how wonderful life is while you're in the world" with his arms open wide. And neither of us like EJ.

    You do have to look for the joy but it's nice to have it shoved in your face sometimes! :o)


  6. Umm. In my mind we are the best of friends. You have lifted me in some of my saddest moments.

    I began to giggle when I read those lyrics. That song is the one that E told me reminded him of me right at the point where they say "You've got your ball,
    You've got your chain tied to me tight, tie me up again". It was funny. I remind him all the time. LOL.

  7. i just wanted to let you know that i am always so excited when i see a new post from you (your blog is on the sidebar of my blog)- because i love the pictures of Peyton on here. she is so very very gorgeous- and it is a joy to see her face each time. i hope that dosn't make me sound like some wierd blog stalker- i just think you gave birth to a beautiful baby and i am so sorry we all couldn't see her grow into the beautiful little girl she would have been.

  8. I got a good giggle from those lyrics. I love the story and the fact your husband was able to reach into your path to give you a good start to your day.

    I just wanted to give you {{{hugs}}} too because I read yesterday's post.

  9. Because. You. Are. Loooooovvvvvveeeeeed.

    I sang that as I typed it. Its a Josh Groban song.... I love Josh.... not as much as Sam but close!


    Watch it! It always makes me feel better!

    Love you xxx

  10. I hate the beatles too!
    You are loved.x

  11. I am woefully behind on my blog reading but I have to tell you this is the first post I read as I came over to get caught up and it sure put a smile on my face. You sound in much better spirits...and yes, my dear, you are loved. Lots. :)