I kept tears from my eyes.
Right up until the topic came
of us and our goodbyes.
And then the choking in my throat,
returned, too much to bear.
I struggled through grief's tightening grip
to fill my lungs with air.
My heart raced. My palms clenched tight.
I wanted to shut down.
I felt those moments pouring in.
I worried I might drown.
Tears came calling once again
stinging hot against my cheek.
And in my mind I played over
that final, painful week.
I thought about the infection
and how it ravaged you.
I remembered the sense of hopelessness.
I shuddered at what I had to do.
I wonder if the words exist,
to convey how it made me feel.
Even all these many months later,those last seconds feel surreal.
I don't know if the day will come
when guilt will leave me be.
I just pray you know it was out of love,
that I chose to set you free.