Saturday, January 22, 2011

What's The Point?

What's the point?

I mean seriously, what * is * the * point?

I eat all this natural and organic food.
I have stayed on bedrest (with the exception of the rare outing here or there) for the last 140 some odd days!
I won't allow myself to indulge in anything that has ever been even remotely linked negatively to pregnancy/children/fetuses/cancer/fertility/development/etc. etc. etc.

I do these things and I just can't help but wonder, what's the point in trying when my house has decided to go to total sh*t over the last month, and every day it seems I am finding myself being exposed to something else?

Something harmful.

A few weeks ago it was the gasoline fumes.

Then the mercury.

Now today we had a plumber, and an incompetent one at that, who decided that even though I was out of the house ALL day so as to avoid any fumes, dust, etc. as he was working, he should hold off on doing any of his gluing or soldering until I got home.

So really, what the hell is the point to even trying?

Clearly this universe is amused at the joke it is making of my sanity.
Amused - and cruel.

I was at my NST yesterday, listening as the nurses explained to the woman beside me that her child's fluid was low because of all the soda she was drinking.

I sat quietly as they called in a dietitian who detailed for her and her husband/partner/boyfriend why it was NOT okay to eat only junk food and that she needed to take a vitamin. Yet, when asked if this baby was her first, the woman (who I am sure has always exercised the same level of care in every pregnancy) told them that no, she already had two children at home.

Two living (and yes I know I am assuming here) healthy children despite the fact that she has done NOTHING to try to provide them with good prenatal care.

So what's the point to any of it?

I am driving myself crazy trying everything * possible * under * the  * sun to bring these babies into this world healthy, and life keeps spitting hazard after hazard into my face.

I just feel so exhausted. 

Plain and simple. 



  1. It seems like there are always pregnant women around who are smoking (saw that outside the doctor's office), drinking (saw that last night), or just doesn't seem to be in the right state to have a child (numerous jobless, young,Junk food-eating, etc family members). Here I am, after two pregnancies and taking care of myself (and the babies), childless.

    You are doing the right thing. Hang in there. You are an inspiration.

  2. New to your are doing a wonderful job. Don't worry about others. It has taken me a long time to come to that. I have felt many a times (and even as I type this) that it is unfair that some people go through so much while others seems to float through life eating junk food and having perfectly healthy babies and lives. There is a reason we are on the path that we are. I have not felt your pain, but have pains of my own and am certain that this all is not without a reason. Find strength in what you have gone through. It will only make you appreciate those babies even more. Good Luck on your last leg of this journey...and enjoy your sleep....2 babies will keep you busy!! =)

  3. Take a deep breath!!!

    Stress is just as bad as chemicals that you might be exposed to.

    As far as chemicals go, if you can smell them and they really bother you than you should worry about the fumes. If you can't smell them and they are in the general vicinity than there is nothing to worry about. I was finishing a semester of college in a wood shop with chemicals, dust, etc. I did the best I could to protect us, but thats all we can really do is try our best.

    You are doing the most amazing job baking these babies!! Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, make a hot chocolate or some healthy snacks and enjoy this!!!

    wish you the best

  4. You're doing just fine hon. I can't imagine what you are enduring but I'm sending you lots of love and wishing I could do more xxx

  5. Oh Kristin, I have had moments when I've been so angry about the unfairness of it all. You are doing a fabulous job and I can't wait to celebrate the birth of the snowflakes with you.

  6. Keep breathing mamma.. in the end you are doing everything in your power to do the right thing. And it matters.
    I always wonder how it is that babies are born 'essentially' healthy to crack addicted mothers.. but my son could not survive inside my hostile womb. It's not fair....

  7. Seriously! I can so relate. I know people who just don't really try at keeping their pregnancies healthy and here I was doing everything to avoid anything harmful and my child was born early despite every precaution taken. Then I loose her. You have people out there that could care less if they take drugs while pregnant and really don't want the baby to begin with and then people like us who would die for what they have. I guess you just have to put all your thoughts hopes and dreams into Gods hands/ that is if you believe in one...otherwise just do the best you can. It really is all you can do-worry about what you do have control over not what you dont.
    take care, can't wait for those snow flakes and their next update.

  8. Hello again

    Sorry you're feeling so down. I can understand the extreme precautions you're taking and why.

    After the curly bulb shattering incident I looked it up and the guidelines over here indicate you would have to shatter many many bulbs to run the risk of any problem at all. I am concerned you are stressing yourself too much.

    Also, I'm sure you know this intellectually but of course the the warnings and issues are there to protect the suppliers, not the consumer - from any remotely possible chance of litigation.

    I'm so sorry you're feeling abd and understand why, I really do, becasueI've followed your blog for a long time and care about you.

  9. You are doing fine... As best you can. And, sometimes, that has to be enough, even when the world lines up against you.

  10. Love the "take a deep breath" comment. Please hang in there and try to calm down. God is with you every step of the way. You are an inspiration and I know that you are going a little crazy right now, but everything will be just fine.
    Praying for you and your snowflakes. You are doing a wonderful job. Love and Peace Leah's Nana

  11. I have a really hard time when something is out of my control. Especially something so important.

    There are some things I can control - eating healthy, taking vitamins, etc. But I hate that those things are no guarantee that everything will be OK.

    Sending you big hugs... you are doing great. All the things you are doing are helping your snowflakes grow strong - so try not to get discouraged! That's easier said than done, I know.

  12. it is so hard. To constantly see people around you doing things that endanger their babies and "knowing" that their baby will probably be fine, while yours is not, when you did everything right, and yours is gone.

    Keep going (because its all we can do) - keep trying - keep doing all those good things - because at the end of the day you know you are doing everything you can to keep your babies safe. xxxx

  13. What an amazing blog and an amazing journey...

  14. It drives me insanely crazy to see or hear about people that feel like their pregnancy is not a big deal. And, it hurts me because have met beautiful mothers here who have done everything right to bring a precious child into this world are left broken hearted. Kristin, I am praying for you and your little snowflakes.

  15. Very frustrating. Hang in there, you are an amazing mother!

  16. You are doing a wonderful job at protecting those beautiful snowflakes. I can only imagine your fear because of what happened to Peyton.
    Some people just don't get how precious and how serious a pregnancy can really be. I think every pregnancy should be considered high risk because there are so many factors that can affect you and the baby(s) lives. Hang in there, keep postive and know that I am praying for you every single day.

  17. you are doing your part in taking care of them and that is all you can do.. and I agree that it is so frustrating to see and hear others just so no-chilantly (sp?) go through thier kills me..and its not fair.. anyway..not too much longer and your sweet babies will be here in your arms.. so happy for you.. xoxo

  18. I absolutely understand. Sometimes I just want to scream at the unfairness of it all.
    I really feel for you, Kristin. I'm sorry you had to listen to that.

  19. Doesn't make sense. Almost seems like Russian roulette.

  20. We did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do when we were pregnant with Trey and was sick from cell division. After he passed, there were individuals that made assumptions that there was something that I didn't do to prevent him from getting sick and passing away. Losing Trey has sadly made me a realist, it's hard to find the hope, faith, and positive thoughts knowing that no amount of it will change what is already out of my control. I do EVERYTHING positive for my health now and the health of my unborn child and wonder if it will all be for nothing, if this child will go to heaven early too. We do it cause it's the right thing to do and doing the right thing while they are developing inside us is the first of MANY steps in parenthood. Even though our angels could not stay with us, I believe that all of the healthy choices we made during our pregnancies with our angels gave us time with them out of the womb. Keep taking care of yourself as you seems to be and I hope that you can try to focus on all the positive health choices and outcomes even though sometimes I know it can be hard (at least that's trues for me) You and your babies are in my prayers! :) Sharon, Trey's Mommy