I mean seriously, what * is * the * point?
I eat all this natural and organic food.
I have stayed on bedrest (with the exception of the rare outing here or there) for the last 140 some odd days!
I won't allow myself to indulge in anything that has ever been even remotely linked negatively to pregnancy/children/fetuses/cancer/fertility/development/etc. etc. etc.
I do these things and I just can't help but wonder, what's the point in trying when my house has decided to go to total sh*t over the last month, and every day it seems I am finding myself being exposed to something else?
A few weeks ago it was the gasoline fumes.
Then the mercury.
Now today we had a plumber, and an incompetent one at that, who decided that even though I was out of the house ALL day so as to avoid any fumes, dust, etc. as he was working, he should hold off on doing any of his gluing or soldering until I got home.
So really, what the hell is the point to even trying?
Clearly this universe is amused at the joke it is making of my sanity.
Amused - and cruel.
I was at my NST yesterday, listening as the nurses explained to the woman beside me that her child's fluid was low because of all the soda she was drinking.
I sat quietly as they called in a dietitian who detailed for her and her husband/partner/boyfriend why it was NOT okay to eat only junk food and that she needed to take a vitamin. Yet, when asked if this baby was her first, the woman (who I am sure has always exercised the same level of care in every pregnancy) told them that no, she already had two children at home.
Two living (and yes I know I am assuming here) healthy children despite the fact that she has done NOTHING to try to provide them with good prenatal care.
So what's the point to any of it?
I am driving myself crazy trying everything * possible * under * the * sun to bring these babies into this world healthy, and life keeps spitting hazard after hazard into my face.
I just feel so exhausted.
Plain and simple.