Monday, October 25, 2010

My grief is like a tidal wave...

Triggers, triggers everywhere.

Reminders of all you went through.
Reminders of all we went through.

Tonight it was a movie. I didn't know it was that kind of movie.
It knocked me through a loop.

Just know baby girl that I am missing you so much. And I am so sorry I couldn't save you. And that I wish I could make peace with all that needs to be made peace with, because I know you would want that for me, but I have not yet found a way.

I found this poem tonight. It made me think of this journey through life without you, though to be honest I feel my grief is more of a tidal wave than a river, stealing my bearings when it comes, but a river is a beautiful image nonetheless.

Missing you always.
xx
Momma

My grief is like a river, 
I have to let it flow, 
But I myself determine, 
Just where the banks will go.
Some days the current takes me 
In waves of guilt and pain
But there are always quiet pools 
Where I can rest again.
I crash on rocks of anger 
My faith seems faint indeed 
But there are other swimmers 
Who know just what I need.
And loving hands to hold me 
When the waters are too swift 
And someone kind to listen 
When I just seem to drift
Grief's river is a process 
Of relinquishing the past 
By swimming in Hope's channels 
I'll reach the shore at last

~Cynthia G. Kelley~

18 comments:

  1. Reaching out across the miles with a big hug. xoxoxo

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  2. I wrote about you and Peyton on my blog tonight. I just wanted you to know how thankful I am for Peyton. She has helped me work through a tremendous amount of emotion this past year through her songs.

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  3. sending love and positive thoughts your way..
    ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

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  4. It is so difficult to be caught off guard by a strong trigger. It has happened to me lately, over a year later. Guilt, anger, and fear rise up without warning. The "no warning" part seems to make it even worse. I am so sorry. I love the poem!

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  5. Abiding with you and remembering your beautiful Peyton.

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  6. Hugs are being sent your way to help buffer the banks of the river.
    Wish there was more to do....

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  7. Hugs to you. Triggers are so horribly difficult.

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  8. thank you for sharing this poem... I agree, sometimes it feels like a huge tidal wave that just overwhelms me, but the river is a beautiful image. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

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  9. Thanks so much for sharing this poem.

    Grief seems to swell up just when we least expect it to, sometimes. I, too, hate when you watch a new movie or read a new book and discover (too late) that it is one big trigger.

    Hoping the coming days are a little better for you...

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  10. Yes a powerful image of grief indeed, one I have reflected on myself.


    May I humbly recommend a song for you

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNGLU_VsePg

    Peace and Healing

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  11. So beautiful. Holding you in my thoughts ...

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  12. that is such a beautiful poem. My grief comes in waves, I guess it's normal. I'm thinking about you and sending you so much love!
    *HUGS*

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  13. Thanks for sharing this poem. It is so true.

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