Monday, October 25, 2010

My grief is like a tidal wave...

Triggers, triggers everywhere.

Reminders of all you went through.
Reminders of all we went through.

Tonight it was a movie. I didn't know it was that kind of movie.
It knocked me through a loop.

Just know baby girl that I am missing you so much. And I am so sorry I couldn't save you. And that I wish I could make peace with all that needs to be made peace with, because I know you would want that for me, but I have not yet found a way.

I found this poem tonight. It made me think of this journey through life without you, though to be honest I feel my grief is more of a tidal wave than a river, stealing my bearings when it comes, but a river is a beautiful image nonetheless.

Missing you always.

My grief is like a river, 
I have to let it flow, 
But I myself determine, 
Just where the banks will go.
Some days the current takes me 
In waves of guilt and pain
But there are always quiet pools 
Where I can rest again.
I crash on rocks of anger 
My faith seems faint indeed 
But there are other swimmers 
Who know just what I need.
And loving hands to hold me 
When the waters are too swift 
And someone kind to listen 
When I just seem to drift
Grief's river is a process 
Of relinquishing the past 
By swimming in Hope's channels 
I'll reach the shore at last

~Cynthia G. Kelley~


  1. Reaching out across the miles with a big hug. xoxoxo

  2. I wrote about you and Peyton on my blog tonight. I just wanted you to know how thankful I am for Peyton. She has helped me work through a tremendous amount of emotion this past year through her songs.

  3. sending love and positive thoughts your way..

  4. Thanks for this beautiful poem!

  5. It is so difficult to be caught off guard by a strong trigger. It has happened to me lately, over a year later. Guilt, anger, and fear rise up without warning. The "no warning" part seems to make it even worse. I am so sorry. I love the poem!

  6. Abiding with you and remembering your beautiful Peyton.

  7. Hugs are being sent your way to help buffer the banks of the river.
    Wish there was more to do....

  8. Hugs to you. Triggers are so horribly difficult.

  9. thank you for sharing this poem... I agree, sometimes it feels like a huge tidal wave that just overwhelms me, but the river is a beautiful image. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

  10. Thanks so much for sharing this poem.

    Grief seems to swell up just when we least expect it to, sometimes. I, too, hate when you watch a new movie or read a new book and discover (too late) that it is one big trigger.

    Hoping the coming days are a little better for you...

  11. Yes a powerful image of grief indeed, one I have reflected on myself.

    May I humbly recommend a song for you

    Peace and Healing

  12. So beautiful. Holding you in my thoughts ...

  13. that is such a beautiful poem. My grief comes in waves, I guess it's normal. I'm thinking about you and sending you so much love!

  14. Thanks for sharing this poem. It is so true.