From my experience, it comes and goes. It was only 5 months ago that I lost Jacob, but there are guilt-free days and days when I am consumed by it. I hope that you find some peace soon. (((HUGS)))
I always have some guilt about things I did or did not do with Ella, if I would have done __ instead of ___, if I would have taken her to the ER when her seizure started instead of trying to keep her home.. some days are better, some still suck and I am consumed.. maybe with time it eases some, but for now its still so fresh still (after 18 months)..((hugs))
I feel guilty for so many reasons that if one is not there.. another takes the place. Guilt of not being the wife I used to me.. the mom I could have been.. the friend who really showed up. the worker who did better than average.. and then just when I think guilt has strangled me... someone tells me what a good job I'm doing at life.. at grief and that makes the guilt a little easier to swallow. Hang in there...
God has given you the gift of not just one, but two precious babies which are growing in you. They deserve a happy mom. Though part of your heart will always be in heaven with your Peyton you need to think about the gifts that God has sent to you and try to be happy for them.
I think it gets better. When I realised that ALL mothers feel guilty losing a child (no matter what the circumstances) I began to be a bit easier on myself. Someone said to me once "be kind to yourself" and when I am feeling really bad I always remember it.
Guilt is one of the hardest demons there is. But your daughter had a mother who loved her with all her heart, who misses her every minute of every day. and who would have done anything for her. She was lucky to have you, Try to remember that. I know it's what every child deserves, but not all children are lucky enough to experience it. Try to be kind to yourself. And try to remind yourself that you did all you could, given what you knew at the time. It won't make the guilt go away, but it'll help to keep it from consuming you. It has helped me anyway.
Yes, it just takes time sweetie. I'll be praying the Lord gives you some peace.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience, it comes and goes. It was only 5 months ago that I lost Jacob, but there are guilt-free days and days when I am consumed by it. I hope that you find some peace soon. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for us. But, I've got to believe that it will get easier.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it will ever go away.... Some moments might be easier than others, but it will always be there. ((hug))
ReplyDeleteI pray that it goes away someday...for both of us. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI wonder the same. Much love dear.
ReplyDeleteI always have some guilt about things I did or did not do with Ella, if I would have done __ instead of ___, if I would have taken her to the ER when her seizure started instead of trying to keep her home.. some days are better, some still suck and I am consumed.. maybe with time it eases some, but for now its still so fresh still (after 18 months)..((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI feel guilty for so many reasons that if one is not there.. another takes the place. Guilt of not being the wife I used to me.. the mom I could have been.. the friend who really showed up. the worker who did better than average.. and then just when I think guilt has strangled me... someone tells me what a good job I'm doing at life.. at grief and that makes the guilt a little easier to swallow. Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteGod has given you the gift of not just one, but two precious babies which are growing in you. They deserve a happy mom. Though part of your heart will always be in heaven with your Peyton you need to think about the gifts that God has sent to you and try to be happy for them.
ReplyDeleteJust when I'm feeling overall better about things - guilt is usually one of the first things to hit.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that it ever truly goes away.
But I'm hoping the times it comes up is less and less over the years.
((Big Hugs))
I think it gets better. When I realised that ALL mothers feel guilty losing a child (no matter what the circumstances) I began to be a bit easier on myself. Someone said to me once "be kind to yourself" and when I am feeling really bad I always remember it.
ReplyDeletexx
Guilt is one of the hardest demons there is. But your daughter had a mother who loved her with all her heart, who misses her every minute of every day.
ReplyDeleteand who would have done anything for her. She was lucky to have you, Try to remember that. I know it's what every child deserves, but not all children
are lucky enough to experience it. Try to be kind to yourself. And try to remind yourself that you did all you could, given what you knew at the time.
It won't make the guilt go away, but it'll help to keep it from consuming you. It has helped me anyway.
I feel it too and wonder the same thing. I am told it will pass...
ReplyDelete