On Blessings and Gratitude This Thanksgiving

I am blessed to share my life and love with an amazing husband...

who is also my best friend...

and an incredible father.

 I am blessed to know what no one else in this world knows - 

what it is to be this little girl's mother.

I know how it felt to be looked at with those sparkly blue eyes...

and the warmth that came in holding 

her close and being the recipient of her unguarded love.

As well as the great gift that comes with feeling her all around me, 

even though she has gone.

I am blessed to have the the loyalty and love

of a very special pup who came along at just the right time,

and has done wonders to bring healing into my heart.

This Thanksgiving I feel especially blessed and grateful

that what we were once told was impossible has come to be,

and a renewed sense of hope and promise has re-entered our lives.

Baby A - Boy

Baby B - girl

And then there is the unyielding support of my friends, family, and this community who have celebrated with us in triumph, and stood arm and arm with us in our sorrow. There are no words for what this has meant to me.

When you live on this side of the loss and infertility universe, and trudge through your days in that old pair of shoes that we never imagined ourselves wearing, it is so easy to focus only on what is missing. 

No one is more guilty of this than me. 

But there are blessings.

Even in the moments along this journey where the road seems too hard, and the future feels full of impossibilities, there are always blessings to be felt and found. If last Thanksgiving I could have seen what this Thanksgiving would hold, I never would have been able to believe it. Joy felt impossible.

But this year, despite the unending grief and sense of loss that I will always feel for Peyton, and despite the high risk nature of my pregnancy with the Snowflakes, and the bedrest, and the health issues, I can't help but to feel truly blessed.

And that is my wish for each and every one of you - a day where your heart feels full of blessings and peace. And if tomorrow that still feels impossible - hold out hope. There is no telling what seemingly impossible things the days between this Thanksgiving and the next will bring. 

Happy Thanksgiving!