Tuesday, June 12, 2012


This month I am participating in Kathy Benson's Time Warp Tuesday. Kathy's instructions are to "Write a new blog post on which you introduce, link to, and then reflect on your journey since you wrote the older blog post..."

For this month's theme of "Fathering," I am sharing the post, (Father's) Day, that I wrote in June of 2009.

In the post I say:

You were meant to be a Father. I don't know if I ever told you this, but it was you that made me want to have a family.I have been so fortunate to receive your love, to know your kindness,and I wanted to share that- you, with a child. 

There was so much pain, hopelessness, hurt and grief in my words of that post. I remember the guilt I felt every time I would see my husband, because (right or wrong) I blamed myself for being unable to bring Peyton into this world healthy. Everything after her passing felt so final. Like we were destined to live a half-life, walking this universe forever childless.

What a difference three years makes. 

I took this picture the other day:

The kiddos were sick with ear infections and nasty colds, and Hubs, home not even five minutes from work, quickly threw on sneakers and brought them outside. He found a way, despite how uncomfortable, feverish, etc. they were, to make them smile.

I went back to my old post and after reading it, I just feel so grateful. Grateful for the man I married. Grateful for the father I have given all three of my children. My husband loves without judgement. He is patient, and kind, and funny and I don't honestly know how we got from there to here, because survival felt impossible so many times over during our journey, but the gratitude I feel for having this man to share my life, my heart, and my family with--is immense.

His love for Peyton is never ending. His love for our Snowflakes is ever growing. He is the father I knew he was meant to be and more. The epitome of the word: "Fathering." 


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  2. What a beautiful tribe to your husband, their father, an epitome.

    Your gratitude is infectious. Makes me want to go about my day a little bit more grateful.

  3. What a beautiful post...so honoring of your husband...as a dad and a man who has walked through much and loves his children dearly.

    Thank you for this post from your heart. Blessings to you...

  4. What a gorgeous post. I just love how you ended it:

    "His love for Peyton is never ending. His love for our Snowflakes is ever growing. He is the father I knew he was meant to be and more. The epitome of the word: 'Fathering.'"

    You have such a way with words.

    The part you highlighted from the post you chose to revisit/reflect on was what spoke to me the most from that one too.

    A very happy Father's Day to your husband this week!

    I am sure every year is bittersweet for him (and your family) without Peyton here, but what an incredible father he is to Peyton and your Snowflakes. Love the picture too.

    So happy to have you "doing the Time Warp" with us this month!

  5. What a great man you have by your side.