Sunday, June 21, 2009

(Father's) Day

I can see it in our nieces faces,how they always light up when they see you, how you offer seemingly endless energy when you play with them.
I could see it in the way that you joked lovingly with my full belly, how you got anxious with each phonecall as we neared my due date, and spent hours getting the carseat just right in preparation for Peyton's birth.
You were meant to be a Father.
I don't know if I ever told you this, but it was you that made me want to have a family.
I have been so fortunate to receive your love, to know your kindness, and I wanted to share that- you, with a child.
I guess that's what saddens me most this Father's Day.
We live in a world full of men dodging responsibility and child support, a world where entire television shows are centered around child denial and paternity tests, and it just seems so unfair.
Unfair that you, who so wanted and loved our child, who studied through weary eyes the packets of information that they gave us, even when it didn't make sense, and searched and searched for options and ways to keep her with us, you, who were so obviously born to be a Daddy, should have to be childless on your first Father's Day.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss.

    My little sister died after 10 days of life. Although I can't imagine what it must be like for you, I know it did bring great comfort for my parents to know that they will someday see their daughter, that she will be theirs forever, and that she will someday be their baby to raise. We are Latter Day Saints, or Mormon, as it more commonly known, and we believe that families are forever and that I will see my sister again.

    I don't know if that brings you any comfort, but I know it helped me and my family deal with our grief.

    I thought I'd provide a link to some more info...

  2. I forgot to say, that it's not just for my family. You too will see your baby again, she will be yours to hold, to raise from her infancy, to love forever, and that you will see her again. I know this, and you can too.

  3. I've said this before, and I'll say it again: you're a brave writer who drives sorrow home with the divine spark behind your words.

    Peyton is so lucky to have a mom and dad like you and Dru. And the beauty in all this pain is that it took so many of us just 28 days to recognize you as amazing parents; it's not about quantity but the quality of time spent with one's child(ren).

  4. There is as much love in this post as there is sorrow. And that's what makes it bearable.

    I'm hear from the future. I won't spoil the surprise :-)

  5. What a gorgeous post. I just love how you ended it:

    "His love for Peyton is never ending. His love for our Snowflakes is ever growing. He is the father I knew he was meant to be and more. The epitome of the word: 'Fathering.'"

    You have such a way with words.

    The part you highlighted from the post you chose to revisit/reflect on was what spoke to me the most from that one too.

    A very happy Father's Day to your husband this week!

    I am sure every year is bittersweet for him (and your family) without Peyton here, but what an incredible father he is to Peyton and your Snowflakes. Love the picture too.

    So happy to have you "doing the Time Warp" with us this month!

  6. I am here from the future via Time Warp Tuesday. What a moving post and tribute to your husband back then. How heartbreaking that his first Father's Day came after Peyton's death. I bet your words here meant a lot to him and still do.

    That picture is so beautiful and I was especially moved by this part of your post:

    "I don't know if I ever told you this, but it was you that made me want to have a family.

    I have been so fortunate to receive your love, to know your kindness, and I wanted to share that- you, with a child."

    It is incredible what a difference a few years can make and reading your new post today is both awesome and bittersweet after visiting this one from the past. Heading back to the future to finish reading and commenting on your new post. So glad that you are "doing the Time Warp" with us this month. xoxo