I talk about you all the time
-But you don't come back
I work to honor your short life
-But you don't come back
I replay it over for some answers
-But you don't come back
Was there an option that we missed?
-But you don't come back
I scream at God for the injustice
-But you don't come back
I beg you for your forgiveness
-But you don't come back
I imagine how different our life should have been
-But you don't come back
I make deals with God
-But you don't come back
I question how this could happen
-But you don't come back
I blame myself and the doctors
-But you don't come back
I promise next time to do better
-But you don't come back
I wonder where I went so wrong
-But you don't come back
Was there something I could have done differently?
-But you don't come back
It's so hard not having any answers
-But you don't come back
I'm your mother, my heart's broken
-But you don't come back
Can't you see how much I miss you?
-But you don't come back
I tell you daily that I love you
-But you don't come back
Each night I pray it's all a bad dream
-But you don't come back
That is what hurts the most
that my pain, and love, and grieving
are not enough to bring you back
~Kristin Binder
~Kristin Binder
You've tugged at my heart strings in a big way.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine Peyton needing to forgive you for anything. No one could let go of her as peacefully and lovingly as you and Dru did. But the beauty of all of this is is that neither of you-- Peyton included-- will ever really let go of the other.
I came across you blog and want to tell you that you are not alone. I too have lost a child...not to leukemia, but through prematurity...he was alive and fought very hard. May God bless you and give you the strength for today, tomorrow and all the days that will follow. Know that Peyton is with my son and with many other angels and that they are looking down on us and helping us everyday. Even if it is just a beautiful memory of her...Please hang in there...I have my days, yes...they are very bad...but my mom always told me that it does get easier...the pain of losing your child doesn't go away, but it gets easier...see, my parents lost my brother at age 24...unexpectedly...22 years ago...and they are alright...miss him like crazy, but living their life to the fullest. They give me hope that things will get better...if my parents can go on and be alright...I know we can. We were chosen to be the moms of angels...I don't know why...and I will NOT use the phrase, "everything happens for a reason", or "God only gives you what you can handle"...I HATE those phrases with a passion. I will say that we are strong women, moms...and we will get through this.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your beautiful Peyton with us!
I wish she was coming back to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry that you lost your beautiful girl, Peyton. xx
Thank you for sharing this with us. I am on the same road of realizing every day that Lukas won't come back and it hurts extremely. I'm sorry that you are going thru this as well.
ReplyDelete*tear*
ReplyDelete