Sunday, June 20, 2010

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

So... I have been a bit mum on here about the fact that hubs and I are fast approaching our next transfer date (namely this Wednesday the 23rd.) It was heartbreaking for me to get my hopes (and that of so many readers here) up during our first cycle, and the idea of having to once again break bad news was a hard thing for me to face.

I can't tell you how desperately I want to be in the club. How desperately I want to be one of the women proclaiming that my turn at a rainbow baby has arrived. How much I yearn for a chance at a normal, mothering, life. I can't tell you how much it hurts that with every step that we take forward, another hurdle falls in our lap.

This frozen cycle has been exhausting physically (I was put on a zero sugar, carbs, or fruit diet in the hopes that low insulin numbers would increase our chances of success) and emotionally (taking testosterone, progesterone, and estrogen, each of which have a different affect on my mood and emotions.) It is for these reasons that I took a huge sigh of relief this morning when I saw that I had finished my Lupron protocol, and was moving onto the drugs that are in direct preparation for the transfer.

Everything has been going really well this cycle. My uterine lining (an ideal at 8 or 10) was even measuring at a beautiful 15.

Like I said, it was all going smoothly.
Too smoothly.

I should have known better.

I woke up this morning feeling really tired and rundown, but for the dietary and emotional reasons stated above, was not particularly surprised. Within a few hours I was having trouble going to the bathroom, and by this afternoon, I was peeing blood.

It turns out that today, four frikkin days before my frozen transfer, my body has decided to bestow upon me my first ever urinary tract infection. I called the doctor, went in for a test, and have started antibiotics. I did all that I was supposed to do, and in short order, but the doctor has warned me that this still might not be enough.

A UTI brings about a less than ideal transfer situation for our precious embryos, and because of this, we have been warned that they may opt to cancel the transfer.

A transfer we had to wait two months to reach after the heartbreak of April's failed attempt.
A transfer that the preparation for has required daily infusions of hormones and medications with side effect warnings that, having witnessed my child's battle and subsequent death to cancer, are enough to make me curl up in a ball and cry.
A transfer that, having no more insurance, we have laid out over $6000 in cash for.

It may sound selfish, with all that so many in this community are going through right now, but I am asking - Please pray for us.

To whatever God, or being, or spiritual presence you are moved by, please pray that this infection clears up and doesn't threaten or cancel Wednesday's transfer.

Please.

This Father's Day was hard enough for my husband to keep a brave face through without having to hear this news, and it feels as if my own prayers are falling on deaf ears.

Please.

We really need a break.

36 comments:

  1. I am without words...I am so sorry. The pain you have been through is unimaginable. I am praying for you right now.

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  2. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am wishing you a speedy recovery and, hopefully, a smooth transfer. feel better...

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  3. Definitely praying for a quick recovery and for the transfer to be given the go ahead! I'm so, so sorry....I can't even begin to imagine. Praying for you and thinking of you often.

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  4. Sweetie, I'm so very sorry. You guys are in our prayers.

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  5. I know this is a small idea, but drinking 1 tbsp. of baking soda in one cup of water is a GREAT way to help clear a bladder infection. It effects the pH of the bacteria, and they can't hold on to the lining of the bladder and are flushed out with (hopefully) all the water you are drinking. Works WAY better than cranberry juice, and coupled with the antibiotics, might help clear it up quicker!
    Praying it goes away ASAP!

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  6. WTF. You deserve a freaking break! I will be praying your infection clears up and doesn't hurt or interfere with your transfer. So sorry you're going through this on top of Father's Day without your daughter. :(

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  7. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hon, I am praying and hoping that by Wednesday your infection has cleared up. I hope you feel better super fast xxx

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  8. UGH. I am so sorry Kristin. Unbelievable. I will be wishing & praying for you guys.

    Unfortunately I am prone to UTI's. You should feel physically better on the antibiotics by tomorrow. I have never tried the baking soda but I will 2nd the 100% cranberry juice. I would drink a glass of that then a glass of water back & forth almost constantly & it will flush out everything rather quickly.

    I am so sorry this has happend...and on today! I have hope for you that it will be under control by Wednesday & everything can go as planned.

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  9. Oh Kristin, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I cannot believe it. I am hoping that this UTI clears up soon. Thinking of you!!

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  10. Ah Kristin, crap! Not only do you have to deal with a UTI (which sounds pretty severe when there's blood involved!), but the stress of maybe having to cancel a transfer. I think that stress is right up there amongst our others. Thinking of you and really hoping that it's all a go ahead with a positive outcome (then you can share some positivenes with me for our next cycle!!).. ♥

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  11. I am praying for you and your husband!

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  12. Praying for quick healing and a successful transfer.

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  13. I'm so sorry this has been thrown your way. Hoping for a speedy recovery and succesful transfer for you.

    xx

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  14. Prayers! This is just so f-ing unfair.

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  15. I am thinking of you and your husband. And whatever hopes and wishes I have--they are yours.

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  16. I am sorry to read this. After everything you've been through you deserve a simple & uncomplicated chance at bringing a new life into the world. You will be in my thoughts.

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  17. Kristin, my stomach absolutely dropped reading this. I cannot believe it! I've been praying for you for weeks now, knowing your next transfer was coming up soon. Additional prayers are being sent for the UTI - and will continue to be sent over the next few days.

    Dear God - please, please, please. Not this, not now...

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  18. I'm praying! You DESERVE to catch a break! (((hugs)))

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  19. Kristin, I've been trained in distance energy healing. I'm going to transfer some universal energy to you for the next two weeks, and also give you some AWESOME advice that I received recently when I had a bladder infection. Are you ready? Cranberry tablets. They are a true godsend, I promise you, they worked for me when antibiotics didn't. I was so blown away by the results that I even blogged about it!

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  20. PS the tablets are like the juice on steroids. I'm talking results within hours.

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  21. WTF, kristin, WTF? hopingwishingpraying that you catch the break you so badly deserve.

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  22. Just sending you love, Kristin. Lots of it. XO

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  23. I struggle to pray much for myself anymore, but I will be praying these days for you.

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  24. Seriously??? I am so sorry, praying for you and hubby. This is not fair... hopefully the UTI will go away with the antibiotics. I get them often, no fun. ((HUGS))

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  25. I am so sorry! It is not selfish at all for you to ask for prayers!! You deserve them!! Keeping up the hope.

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  26. Oh no Kristin. How awful. I hope that the antibiotics get rid of it and you make a speedy recovery. Like a number of other commentators I can recommend cranberry juice.

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  27. Oh, my word...I am so sorry...

    Praying for you...

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  28. Just thinking of you and sending you positive vibes from France . . .

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  29. Oh, honey, I just flooded God's ears with a long plea for you! I hope by this time, you are feeling better and have more hope for Wednesday! I'm sending all the get well vibes I can muster!!

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  30. Everyone has said my thoughts.

    Kristin I am praying for you my friend. x

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  31. You do need a break. It is your turn.
    Hanging on to hope for you.
    xo

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  32. oh boy. that is awful. UTIs are awful and i truly hope this clears up quickly. the antibiotics often do work fast - 24 hours. drink as much water as you can - more than you think you can. it does help. i agree about the cranberry tablets.

    also a favorite remedy of mine: rough chop one small onion, one stalk of celery, three or four cloves of garlic, and a big handful of fresh parsley. cover with 4 cups of water, simmer for 30-40 minutes, strain and drink. yeah, totally gross but clears things out and boosts your immune system.

    do not take that brew the day of transfer as it is strong stuff and parsley is not good for being prego! good luck!

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  33. It is so unfair that you even need to deal with this right now. My heart is breaking for you and Dru. I am praying that all goes well and you will be on schedule for the transfer tomorrow. I know this has been an emotional rollercoaster for you and if anyone deserves this, it's you guys! call me anytime. love, kristina

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