So... I have been a bit mum on here about the fact that hubs and I are fast approaching our next transfer date (namely this Wednesday the 23rd.) It was heartbreaking for me to get my hopes (and that of so many readers here) up during our first cycle, and the idea of having to once again break bad news was a hard thing for me to face.
I can't tell you how desperately I want to be in the club. How desperately I want to be one of the women proclaiming that my turn at a rainbow baby has arrived. How much I yearn for a chance at a normal, mothering, life. I can't tell you how much it hurts that with every step that we take forward, another hurdle falls in our lap.
This frozen cycle has been exhausting physically (I was put on a zero sugar, carbs, or fruit diet in the hopes that low insulin numbers would increase our chances of success) and emotionally (taking testosterone, progesterone, and estrogen, each of which have a different affect on my mood and emotions.) It is for these reasons that I took a huge sigh of relief this morning when I saw that I had finished my Lupron protocol, and was moving onto the drugs that are in direct preparation for the transfer.
Everything has been going really well this cycle. My uterine lining (an ideal at 8 or 10) was even measuring at a beautiful 15.
Like I said, it was all going smoothly.
I should have known better.
I woke up this morning feeling really tired and rundown, but for the dietary and emotional reasons stated above, was not particularly surprised. Within a few hours I was having trouble going to the bathroom, and by this afternoon, I was peeing blood.
It turns out that today, four frikkin days before my frozen transfer, my body has decided to bestow upon me my first ever urinary tract infection. I called the doctor, went in for a test, and have started antibiotics. I did all that I was supposed to do, and in short order, but the doctor has warned me that this still might not be enough.
A UTI brings about a less than ideal transfer situation for our precious embryos, and because of this, we have been warned that they may opt to cancel the transfer.
A transfer we had to wait two months to reach after the heartbreak of April's failed attempt.
A transfer that the preparation for has required daily infusions of hormones and medications with side effect warnings that, having witnessed my child's battle and subsequent death to cancer, are enough to make me curl up in a ball and cry.
A transfer that, having no more insurance, we have laid out over $6000 in cash for.
It may sound selfish, with all that so many in this community are going through right now, but I am asking - Please pray for us.
To whatever God, or being, or spiritual presence you are moved by, please pray that this infection clears up and doesn't threaten or cancel Wednesday's transfer.
This Father's Day was hard enough for my husband to keep a brave face through without having to hear this news, and it feels as if my own prayers are falling on deaf ears.
We really need a break.