Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Am Still Standing

Three and a half years ago, when I last held my daughter, Peyton, in my arms, I thought I wouldn't survive to see morning. Honestly, I don't know that I wanted to. What kind of a life could I possibly go on to lead with the type of pain I was feeling swirling in my chest?

Three and a half years ago I could never have imagined writing a sentence like "I am still standing." I couldn't have imagined overcoming infertility. I couldn't have imagined how absolutely joy-filled my days would one day be.

I am still standing.

I am still standing--and connecting with others.

The journey of loss and infertility can be so overwhelming. So devastating. So alienating. So when the amazing Fran of Small Bird Studios contacted me to tell me that she had this idea--this wonderful idea to bring women together from all different points in this journey to share their own corner of this loss universe and be a localized resource for others who walk in this old pair of shoes--I was taken aback. One place that could be a resource for those who had suffered miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, child loss. Those who got pregnant easily only to lose their beloved child, and those who struggled for years to conceive only to suffer the same fate. When she told me about her vision for Still Standing Magazine, I was intrigued and excited. When she asked me to come on board as a regular contributor, I was humbled and honored. I still am.

I am still standing--come stand with me.

At Still Standing, you will be able to find my column, "Over the Rainbow," each month. It is my hope that my words are able to honor the experience of parenting living children after the loss of your first child. This is a unique experience. There are fears, and joys, and entire thought processes that ONLY come into play for those of us who parent rainbow babies, and I pledge to speak to the experience with honesty.

I am also going to be one of the regular contributors to Still Standing's Humor Column. Does that surprise you? Maybe just a little? Believe it or not, I laugh--a lot. If you never knew that about me from this blog, I invite you to come meet that side of my personality over there.

I am still standing--and in good company.

We have several amazing contributors, each sharing their story, their voice, their advice based on where they are in their own journey. Some are new to this club and fresh in their grief, while others can look back on those early days with a knowing nod, and a promise of the healing yet to come.

I am still standing--and wherever you are on your own journey, I invite you to stand with me.

The magazine launches May 5th. You can follow us on Facebook, here, or sign up by clicking the photo


  1. Congrats Kristin! I am so happy that you were asked to be part of Still Standing. They are blessed and lucky to have you on board, as are we the readers. I am proud of how far you have come since you last held your sweet Peyton in your arms. Yes, you are still standing and helping so many through sharing your story and experience. I look forward to reading your column (especially as a someone else living "over the rainbow" after loss) and contributions to the humor section as well. xoxo

  2. :) Good for you. You will be an amazing contributor. I look forward to hearing your voice in another venue. I look forward to being reminded to still stand! AND, I am so happy to see you actually write the words that you still laugh. :)

    One of the hardest things to accomplish after we lose someone, is to remember to live life, to laugh. The laughter does not mean they are forgotten!

  3. Hi,
    My name is Cricket. I lost my son, Tate, almost 10 months ago. I love your words. I have found "Still Standing" through a fellow grieving mother on Facebook. I love the name Still Standing. I cant wait to hear more about it and see what all is in store. Meeting mothers that know "this pain" is so important! Its vital to know there are others out there and youre not alone! Thank you again for sharing!

  4. Kristin, your words are beautiful and they really touched me. There is so much power in Still Standing and the community of baby loss mothers. I look forward to your "Over the Rainbow" column as my husband and I have begun fertility treatments after loosing our twins in December. Not an easy experience...well, none of this has been easy...Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

  5. I am honored to stand with you, sweet friend. All my love!

  6. It's an amazing thing you ladies are doing. Way proud of all of you. Standing with all of you in my heart. Such a beautiful idea, and a wonderful resource for those walking this path. I love it!