Thursday, July 14, 2011

This, That, and The Rainbow Rodeo...

Prayer Request:
A BLM friend of mine lost her first baby to cancer. Now she lost her rainbow baby at 7 months gestation. I don't think any of you would know her, as she doesn't really blog, but I am going to respect her privacy by not saying too much that might identify her and just ask that you all please remember her in your prayers. She is really, REALLY hurting. The injustice at the fact that this wonderful mother should have to face so much pain and loss in her quest to build a family, when monsters like Casey Anthony... well... you can finish that sentence yourself...thinking about it is just too much.

If you could send her healing thoughts/prayers I'd appreciate it.


**Possible trigger post - talks about living children.**

I need some mom advice...

I haven't slept in nine days.
Okay, that's a lie.
If I hadn't slept at all in nine days I would probably be dead, or at the very least making a fool of myself hallucinating in the streets, but the truth is I haven't slept more than about 1.5 hours at a time in NINE days, and it's starting to get to me!

I don't know what's going on here.

It started as a growth spurt. Both babies came home from our 4th of July vacation (where they happily slept through the night as usual with the exception of their one overnight feed) and were eating, eating, eating (read: K nursing say from 1-4AM, H then waking hungry and nursing from 4-5, Then K waking hungry again around 7:30, and on and on.)

About three days into being back home I started feeling miserable, and thoughts of quitting breastfeeding swirled around in my exhausted mind. It dawned on me that the last time I had felt this miserable about breastfeeding was during a growth spurt around 15 weeks, so I decided that we must have hit another one.

I mean it HAD to be that, right?

Now, I'm not so sure...

After a few days, H decided she had had enough of the cluster feeding, and went back to her regular routine of eating before bed, 0-1 times overnight, and then in the morning. K, on the other hand, has gotten into this funny place where now he only wants me AND will only sleep if I am nursing him. He is suddenly a light sleeper too, so if I move he wakes up, gets mad, and we have to start the whole rock nurse lay down rock nurse lay down nurse rock nurse nurse nurse routine all over again.

Poor hubs tries to help, he really does, but its no use. K screams at him, and only calms down for me, which makes hubs wonder what the use is in even trying since nothing he does seems to console K. It's gotten to the point where K won't even take a bottle of expressed milk anymore, he just screams and screams until I nurse him... again!

I am using the term "nurse" lightly, because half the time he isn't eating at all, just, sort of, "hanging out." Sometimes he pops off and then relatches an inch or so off and it's a struggle to get him off and relatched properly so I end up with these just awful looking hickey bruises. He also has taken to grabbing whatever boob, or bit of bare skin he can, and pinching or pulling. Not so fun since I am also dealing with thrush.

I guess last night hubs could really pick up on my frustration/exhaustion, because I woke up to this note:

Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have such an understanding husband?

So tell me mommas... what do you think is going on here?

Just the age (19 weeks?)
Typical Momma's Boy?
Time to start solids?

I'm at a loss...

Now onto some good news! I am really excited/humbled/honored/stoked/etc etc to learn that my little ole blog here has been nominated for Babble's Top 50 Mom Blogs. It would mean A LOT to me if you all would take a moment to vote for my blog by clicking here. If you sort by popularity I should be on about page 3. If you sort alphabetically I fall around page 13. You can vote for as many bloggers as you'd like. I did. Some of my favorites are also on the list :)


Has your Rainbow hit a milestone this week?
Starred in a cute video?
Done something adorable? Funny? Downright embarrassing?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, 
than you have come to the right place!

Welcome to the Friday Rainbow Baby Blog Rodeo, a place to celebrate the amazing children who have come into our lives after loss, and to strengthen our bond as a community of Rainbow parents.

Every Friday we can gather here to share our little ones' triumphs, brag like the proud parents that we are, and yes ... even own up to our epic fails in parenting (all in good fun of course) via links to our own blogs with posts about any and everything Rainbow from the week.

Feel free to grab the button from the sidebar and help spread the word. Let's bring this Rainbow parenting community together.

I will go first...

We had lots of fun keeping cool in this heat wave by getting our exercise indoors.

We worked on sitting up in the Bumbo...

Two Peas In A Pod

Practiced our tummy time...

and laying on our backs kick - kick - kicking...

and jump jump jumped in the jump n go and jumperoo...

That's what we have been up to this week...

So, tell me, what have your rainbows been up to?

To join in the fun, write a post on your own blog about what your Rainbow(s) has been up to this week, and then add the link to that post in the Linky widget below. 

Thanks for riding along on the rodeo!


  1. Your babies are so cute. I love their twin cuddles.. : )

    I'm NO expert on babies at all. But my baby did what you're describing around 4-6 months. I have no idea why or what was up but her great sleeping habits turned terrible! I feel you on the sleep and that was with one little baby.

    You ARE doing a great job. Really.


  2. I voted for you Kristin...good luck.

    Love those blue eyes...beautiful.

  3. Honestly since he's comfort nursing I'd try out a paci. He's nursing well and not learning anymore so it's less likely to cause a problem. If you can lay down and nurse do that so you can both sleep. Hope he goes back to how he was. I seem to remember (my newest isn't born yet and my current "baby" is 6)mine changed nursing habits after a growth spurt and it was frustrating! Hope you get some sleep soon...try napping in the afternoon/morning when they nap...if they nap together :).

  4. Sounds like he may have colic or upset tummy, I know its hard, but sometimes you have to let them cry it out or they will continue to act that way and no one gets any sleep. Try giving him a good feeding, then putting him in a room separate from his sister and you , so that he can re learn to sleep by himself. I'm not going to lie, he will most likely scream his head off and cry until he exhausts himself to sleep, but after about 3 nights it really does work.

    My younger son fed constantly, I thought I had supply problems until I pumped and got a ton of milk, but looking back I think his tummy bothered him, he is over a year old now and has a very sensitive stomach. But the sleep training was a life saver and to be honest he is the best sleeper now!

    Good luck with whatever you do, also you can introduce solids from 4-6 months :)

  5. You know, every time I thought I had Angus worked out, he went and changed on me (cheeky little fella still does!) I personally think, though I hate giving advice, that they are too young for solids. I want to encourage you again to keep up the breastfeeding because at that age for me, it was still a struggle and Angus still fed 2-3 times over night. All I want to really say is hang in there. I hate saying it gets easier, because I hated hearing that myself when I was stuck in the thick of it. But just know you're not alone, and I'm thinking of you.
    I'm sure none of this really helps! Email if you want to chat.

  6. Let me just say - your twins are absolutely gorgeous!!! What a joy seeing these photos of them doing such cute things. As for the feeding/hanging on, my kids went through that a bit as babies but younger. I think introducing solids might be a good idea but perhaps you should check with your GP. I wish I had more advice but I don't, it was hard enough with one hanging on. My son is a lot more of a mummy's boy than my daughter ever was (he's now 4).
    I also voted for your blog :)

    And I am truly sorry and saddened to hear of your BLM friend's second loss. How utterly devastating. I have friends struggling with children's cancer, and a close friend who lost a baby to stillbirth. To have to live through both such experiences is unthinkable. I will send a little prayer for her.


  7. My son went through this at exactly the same age. His doctor said they start to be much more aware of their surroundings at this age, so when they wake up, they cry and have trouble falling back to sleep. Many breast-feeding moms, like me, think they are hungry because nursing soothes them, but it is more of a pacifier, calming thing then for hunger. We did end up doing a version of cry it out at around 5 months and also started cereal at this time. I think the combination helped get us back on track and he began sleeping 7 to 7 straight through.
    Every baby is different and you have to go with what works for you, but I found myself, like you, exhausted from waking up all night long. this is what worked for us so I thought I would share.

  8. My guess would be teething. When I would go through this with my babes I would pray that the Lord would take the little sleep I was getting and make my body feel like it was enough. It worked often. Didn't for my friend though. :-)

    It could turn out to be a good thing to help keep your milk supply up. I'm sure it's hard to think of it that way when you're exhausted. I wouldn't give up on breastfeeding, it does get easier and is very satisfying.

    I think babies can start solids at different times. I didn't think that with my first, but...

    My guess is teething. My sil's boys started getting their first teeth at 4 months.

    I am not, and figure since my youngest of 5 is now 7 years old it'll never happen, a cry-it-out momma. It's so incredibly controversial. Who knew! I just figure God gave them a cry for a reason. Thankfully my husband felt the same way.

    I will pray for you that you feel rested. It could also be that the babe is getting sick. My kids nursed a ton when they weren't feeling well.


  9. I can't chime in on the whole nursing thing (I was only able to bottle feed my babies). I know that the lack of sleep can make you feel a little crazy. I hope that it all turns around very quickly for you guys. I can only say that I think that all parents have those same kinds of hills and valleys. I can remember thinking many, many times when my girls were smaller that "this too shall pass". Sometimes it took a little longer to pass than I would have preferred, however, it did pass. (Who am I kidding?? They are 2 and 6 and I still remind myself that it will pass). Then, guess what??? They started doing something else that drove me a little crazy (in a good way, of course). I think it's their way to keep me on my toes. Sometimes it's things that drive me crazy like the lack of sleep, sometimes it's things that make me have anxiety like is she developing OCD because she must touch certain thing 8 times in a row or sometimes it's something that makes me worry like should I have left her ride with that parent~maybe that's anxiety too...who knows??? Anyway, I hope someone can offer great advice on the feeding/sleeping issue.

    I love to see those sweet babies, and the note from your husband was wonderful. You are doing a great job!! I'm off to vote now...

  10. I would advise against solids until 6 months and do not have the heart for cry it out, but to each her own.

    I think the real reason your son is waking is because he just wants to be reassured that you're there. He probably isn't hungry or having an upset tummy (if he hasn't had an upset tummy thus far in life). You wake up and nurse him to sleep and he likes it and does it over and over again.

    I know this well because my own son did it. At about 14 months we started giving him bottles at night, hoping that a big feed would get him to sleep more, but he just kept waking up and was taking 4 bottles a night and was peeing through his diaper. At that point it's not about hunger but about comfort. What helped us was "cry it out in mama's arms". We learned of this through the Sears book on attachment parenting. We did not believe in cry it out, but believed that our son had developed a constant night waking problem and needed assistance learning how to sleep without needed nursing or bottle to get back to sleep. So when he woke up and we knew (to the best of our ability) that he wasn't hungry I just rocked him back to sleep with a binky. He cried and asked for milk, but I just kept singing to him and rocking him. After just a few nights he was sleeping much better.

    Now your son is much younger, and may need to eat 1-2 times per night, but you may just want to decide how long an interval he should go between feeds and just rock him down at the non-feeding wakings. Use a binky to assist with this or not. But my gut is telling me that he is not in pain or hungry, just wanting mama love and reassurance throughout the night, and "nursing" (having boob in mouth) is how he does it. Change that gently and lovingly.

    Case in point, my daughter (now I have two children although she sleep much better than her brother did at that age) woke early this morning. As soon as I put the boob in her mouth she went back to sleep. She didn't even do me the justice of eating for a minute or two. Clearly, hunger wasn't her need, but the boob was the solution to the need.

    After you have tried cry it out in mama's arms, you may want to introduce your husband into the nightwaking picture. Sometimes when the babies wake and you don't think they're hungry, have him rock themt to sleep. This might help them attach to him better.

    My husband felt "hated" by our son for the first year. It is a side effect of a nursing mom who spends more time at home than daddy. It took a long time for my husband to feel like our kids connected to him like they did to me. This was disappointing to him. Your husband may be feeling the same way and so introducing him into the night routine may be helpful. Although it will be a difficult process to go through, it may end up leading to better sleep and better attachments sooner rather than later.

    Good luck. Your babies are gorgeous and lucky to have such amazing and loving parents.

  11. I am so sad for your friend and she has been in my thoughts and prayers.
    You are my super hero mom!!! I gave in and started formula. With Julian to care for I had to throw in the towel. I feel guilty but it was just too much for me. Lack of sleep was killing me. I wasn't able to be a good mom to either of them and my poor husband had to deal with my bad attitude. Maybe K does have some tummy issues, I really hope things get better soon. Hang in there.

  12. Hi Kristin,
    Your rainbows are really beautiful!
    Regarding sleeping- I think every baby is so different and there are 1million and a half reasons why they might not be sleeping! Charlotte slept REALLY well until 6 months.. then it all went crazy! She was 'nursing' for a long time, and multiple times at night, and she wouldnt fall asleep for anyone else. Eventually, after extreme exhaustion and frustration set in and I didn't knwo what else to do. I read the book, solve your child's sleep problems, by Richard ferber. Many people frown on this and think it is the 'let them cry' method.. but it really isn't. Charlotte was sleeping through the night, and going into her crib AWAKE but very tired, within 2 nights - she thrived with it, and is still going to bed without making a peep! it's great. Not for everyone I am sure!!!! but it worked for us!

    We didn't do it until 10 months. but it's a good read anyway- about how children sleep etc. made a lot of sense to me. some people dissagree with it, so it's a matter of preference, and the child's needs I think!

    Just a thought! I know the exhaustion (especially combined with the grief of losing our first )is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. and I can't imagine twins...
    hang in there-- use your own judgement... kids always end up sleeping through the night eventually- it will happen!!!!


  13. Hi Kirsten,

    I've been a nanny for almost 20 years with 2 kids myself and have seen a lot of sleeping problems. Does he ever go to sleep at nap time by himself? If not it may be that he has forgotten how to settle himself. This is really common with young babies and your 'light sleeper' comments are indicative too - he never gets into his deep sleep pattern. He is probably becoming as overtired as you - hence the screaming and that he only quietens when all his senses are soothed.
    As for what to do...this is really need to do a cry-it-out but as said above there are easier ways than abandoning him alone in the night. Start in the daytime when you have more energy for it and the rest of the house are awake, ideally a weekend or day when hubby can take care of the gorgeous girl. At nap time, feed him but make sure you put him in the crib drowsy but awake, put your hand on his chest but not talking and no picking up. He knows you're there and will probably scream for quite a long time but he WILL settle. You need to be all over this with twins - a client of mine was still lying down to sleep with her son aged 5!!
    Hope this helps xxxx