I chose these two pictures because they show me with little to no makeup. The bottom one is pretty embarrassing to post, but it is very telling of the point I am trying to make.
Here I am approximately 1 year prior to Peyton's death.
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And here I am approximately 1 year after Peyton's death.
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Just another example of the way grief takes, and takes, and takes. |
I know exactly what you mean. It just ages you doesn't it? Inside and out. The photos of me before look so different than todays.
ReplyDeleteI agree. (btw...you are gorgeous in both!).
ReplyDeleteI hope the two little babies are doing great!
I agree... You are beautiful. :)
ReplyDeleteBut yes... It does take...
i know what you mean, I feel like i have aged 10 years...you look fantastic though...I think a lot of it is "inside aging"
ReplyDeleteI think that even with the patina of grief you are absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more, I look at pictures of the "me" I was before we lost my daughter and don't even know that person anymore. Unfortunately the light and glow are gone.
ReplyDeleteI think you look great in both pics but I know it is the way you see yourself, not what everyone else sees.
You are still beautiful my friend and always will be. I get it though, I really do. I HATE taking pictures now, I just feel so blah now.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. I could do this same post myself. I barely recognise that old me now.
ReplyDeletexo
I think you actually look pretty damn good! The lighting is more the ageing factor in those pics to be fair. But I think it's more that you feel so much older, I know I do.
ReplyDeleteyou look beautiful! however, i do understand. I look at myself in the mirror after 4 months since the loss of my daughter, and see more wrinkles, sadder eyes, and a not quite as bright smile. I am pretty sure I would have grey hairs too, but I dye it! lol
ReplyDeleteErin
journeyoflifeandluv.blogspot.com
First, Peyton is gorgeous! You look great too but I really know what you mean. I'm 56, was 54 when Jason was killed but for the first time, I feel and look my age or even older.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I am so so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI clicked over here from Nick and Kristi's blog, because I know what you mean. I almost did a post on this myself, although I lacked the courage to post the 'after' picture. It is interesting and helpful to look at yours, so I can see what this is all about. looking at your 2 pictures, I see that you basically look the same in each in terms of standard metrics of aging. However, there is something in the eyes that is different. That is what I found in myself as well. You don't look older though, in terms of the kind of aging that people try to avoid (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.) It's just that the eyes don't smile in quite the same way when you're grieving...
You look WONDERFUL in both pictures, but I do agree with you. Grief has a way of taking its toll and aging us.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with this post. I have tried to avoid pictures especially since a month after my loss my dad, who is mostly blind, told me that I looked like I aged 10 years.
ReplyDeleteI agree the lighting in the pic is bad. You look great.
I agree with the others who stated it's all about the lighting! But I know what you mean, I feel the past 18 months has aged me 10 years, mainly the circles that just won't go away...
ReplyDeleteand just FEELING aged, old before our time, with the knowledge and experience of such greif.
you really are beautiful. we're not just being nice!
ReplyDeleteBut I can so relate... Since Sophia I have a proliferation of white hair... at 28 that can't just be age.
But yes.. moreso its the aging on the inside. The aging of perspective. most of all the aging of lost innocence.
I'm going to echo everyone else...I think you are just beautiful in both pictures...and totally not saying that. When I scrolled to the second picture, I have to say I was expecting something really drastically different--and didn't see what I expected.
ReplyDeleteBut what I saw was familiar--I often see the same things in my mirror--smiles that are similar but with eyes that tell a different story. Expressions that would totally convince the average Joe or Jane that all was well in my world, but lines around and under my eyes that never lie to me...they know to much and they don't hide it from me.
Enough of me to recognize what was, but so much of a new me to know what will never be again.
All my pictures are dated---before and after. At least in my head....
I wanted to write something about your letter to Peyton but just couldn't because of the tears. I still look at that sweet little picture of her on the right above her songs and just ache for you in how you miss that precious little smile. Thinking of you!
I keep the my driver's license from 7 months after our loss face down because it's quite possibly the worst picture ever taken of me. I can't even look at it.
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