Thursday, January 5, 2012

On Being Human - In Under 200 Words

If I come across one more story or cruel comment attacking The Duggars and Santorums for how they handled the impossible situation of losing their babies, I am going to scream. 

There is something very wrong with a society that places time and age qualifications on when a child is "worthy" of the love and grief of its parents. I am beyond fortunate that I had a month with Peyton, but you can bet your life that if I had lost her after six months in my body, or two hours on this earth, I would have loved and missed her no less.

I don't give a flying fig where anyone sits on the religious/political spectrum. To me this is simply a matter of showing a basic level of decency to a fellow human being. When you alter the amount of compassion that you show a person who has suffered the worst kind of loss, that of their child, simply to discredit their political or religious views, you have sort of missed the point on what it is to be human.

24 comments:

  1. Absolutely. Every time I hear or read such comments in the media right now, I am again smacked in the face about how very little some individuals know about losing a child. But you are absolutely right, it's much worse than that...it's not showing human decency or compassion. It's not pretty.

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  2. I totally agree! I have only had 2 early miscarriages and I still think about those babies frequently. I'm fortunate that I haven't lost a child, but it's horrible the way the media is! I HATE that everyone is freaking out over them showing JUST HER HAND AND FOOT! She's beautiful no matter how early she was born and if it upsets you, just don't look!

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  3. If the stories bother you, stop reading them. My only issue with the duggars is that they already had a baby born very early with lots of problems. Then, they still got pregnant again and now this one is gone too. I was sad for them. I too am carrying a baby right now and she was only a few weeks behind me when she lost hers and I think it is so sad. But, your children should NOT have to raise/take care of their siblings. That is wrong in my opinion. Plus, at what point do you say, 'Ok, I don't want to risk another baby dying or having health issues'? It's not fair to the kids.
    Melody
    melody77@yahoo.com

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  4. I agree, it is angers me like nothing else when people judge grief, especially when they have the (naive) privileged of never knowing it.

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  5. I don't know that I'd have taken the route that the Duggars did because I (PERSONALLY, only) would fear something happening to ME and then leaving my living children motherless. That's ME. Period. I absolutely positively adore their strength of conviction and their pledge to God after their first miscarriage that they would take whatEVER came from that point on. I've basically done the same thing...so when people say they have problems with the Duggars doing what they did because it's not fair to their other children (who look OVERJOYED to be part of such a big, loving family and who were so devastated by the loss of their sister) or putting another baby at risk of having health issues, I have issue with that. Just because they (for their own reasons) choose to do something we ourselves may not, we are not at liberty to judge them. More, I have to say that again, we have NO control over the health of our babies—whether we are 24 and perfect or 45 and old egged. I think a lot of us in the BLM community can completely agree on that...perhaps there are more 'statistical' risks, but we who have (sadly) beaten statistics and lost our babies don't really care about statistics and don't allow them to guide our actions because we know we are not in control.

    I'm not trying to be argumentative with Melody, truly, but it again goes back to the whole issue you bring up and that is essentially judgement. We just have no room to judge/take issue whatever. More to judge others who are so clearly grieving? Just as you said...inhumane.

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  6. I agree with you on the comments, but I am also disgusted at how much support Rick Santorum is suddenly getting in the babyloss community given his position that he believes abortion should be illegal even when the mother's life is at risk and said that a woman's life being at risk due to a pregnancy is "phony excuses". I'd expect that someone who had been through something like I have would have more compassion for women in tough situations like the one he and his wife found themselves in. I have friends who have terminated pregnancies where their baby had a condition not compatible with life, like anencephaly where there is no brain or brain stem, and I can guarantee that they did not make their decisions lightly and that they very much wanted their baby. That Rick Santorum would deny families that decision (or even force a husband to lose both his wife and his baby), I personally find equally or even more appalling than some of the comments certain tv personalities have made. (And it's not that I approve of the comments made, I absolutely don't, I just am not able to get on the "poor Santorums" bandwagon especially given their political stances and hypocrisy.)

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  7. Greatness of heart and unconditional love are so lacking in our culture today, that people simply don't know how to respond without judging. Every time they show that lack of compassion and willingness to try to understand, they have diminished themselves and their humanity They need prayers the most. Even the shortest life has value in God's eyes, and deserves gratitude for its existance. Your priorities are in the correct order and so are those of your friends in this community. God bless you all.
    Love, Aunt E.

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  8. I love to hear you speak the truth. It makes no difference whether or not you have the same beliefs. The simple fact is that a loss is a loss. People have somehow rationalized raw emotion out of the human relationship. I can't imagine not feeling pure agony when hearing of the death of a child. Sometimes it almost makes me lose faith in our world :(

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  9. Totally agree with this post. Losing a baby is losing a baby no matter that the political/religious beliefs of the parents are.

    I hate when people use babyloss as a tool to make a political point. Sickening.

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  10. Preach on Sister Kristin, preach on!

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  11. I loved her recording to Baby Jubilee!

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  12. A loss is a loss, no matter what the background circumstances are. I feel for both these families and find the comments being made about them truly disgusting. Thanks for speaking truth!

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  13. Yes! I thought we had come a long way in terms of how society feels about babyloss, but the past few months have changed my mind. I agree with you!

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  14. I'm not a baby loss mom- but I can honestly say imho any pregnancy loss- even early on in the first trimester is a tremendous loss and and the parents should be supported in their grief with love and sensitivity. Why does size/gestational age matter to some? I will never know. I loved my children when they were just an idea. I found I was expecting extremely early, and what I felt was beyond any love I ever felt in my life.

    My heart goes out to the babyloss community.

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  15. Wholeheartedly agree. I have been appalled by the treatment of both families in the media.

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  16. Thank you for writing this. I just lost my baby via ruptured ectopic at 5 weeks. Can't tell you how many people say to me that it's too early to feel sad about that. It enrages me to think that someone would think it's ok to say that to someone who just lost a child. Sure I never heard the heartbeat but I was pregnant for 5 weeks and now I'm not and I also don't have a child anymore. That grief is so much to bear and judging me for it is absolutely insensitive and ignorant.

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